tagged mizzou »

Article by natkirst
October 11, 2012

Chess Team Offers Free Blow Jobs To Vanderbilt Fans In The Name Of Sportsmanship

In the spirit of the somewhat overbearing sportsmanship that Mizzou fans dish out every game day, MU’s nationally ranked chess team decided they would show their appreciation to the Vanderbilt fans that drove 433 miles by offering free blow jobs to anyone showing some Commodore pride. “We were at the Golden Corral to celebrate our... MORE »

Article by natkirst
September 29, 2012

Tests Show Nobody Can Read or Spell

A recent exam in Psychology 1000 proved not only do Professor Richard Stevenson’s students have absolutely no grasp on general psychology, but they are also unable to read and spell even the simplest of words. This only came as some what of a shock to Stevenson and his Teaching Assistants, as they cannot read or... MORE »

Article by kevinmodelski
September 29, 2012

Gonga and Penguin split up over creative differences

Speaker’s Circle on the University of Missouri campus has never seemed so quiet, as Gonga, the accordion-playing gorilla, and Penguin, his drummer/bird counterpart, split up Tuesday afternoon after a disagreement over creative control of their music. Sources said the duo had been fighting over creative control ever since they started playing together. “Gonga like to... MORE »

Article by natkirst
September 13, 2012

9 Out Of 10 Cleaning Crew Members Report Complete Job Satisfaction

A recent survey done by the National Allegiance for People that Clean Other People’s Shit Up (NAPCOPSU) reports that 9 out of every 10 members of The University of Missouri’s residence hall cleaning crew absolutely love their job. Not that this came as a shock to the thousands of student that they serve. “Every morning... MORE »

Article by ScottTheCasbah
April 26, 2012

Romney Flushes Gingrich

After a long, hard struggle Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has finally pushed out Newt Gingrich. Romney promptly flushed Gingrich and lit a match, for fear that Newt would smell up the place. MORE »

Article by Shermysherm11
March 17, 2012

One-Liners of the Week!

Cross country runner turns into pile of sticks Tiny dancer actually kind of fat Flat branch restaurant not actually frat branch, disappointed squirrel discovers Spanish turns out to be kind of a dick, no longer a romance language Local Satirist Runs Out of Ideas Smug Pile of Rags Mistaken For Journalism Student Mac pulls partnership... MORE »