tagged mizzou »

Article by drewthegoose
November 6, 2012

Local Satirist Too Busy to Write New Article

A satire writer at the University of Missouri announced Monday that he was “too busy” to write a new article. Anthony Dingleberry, a junior at MU, is the head editor and head writer for University Attic, a student-run satire blog. Dingleberry admitted in a press conference that his class and workload were too strenuous to... MORE »

Article by kevinmodelski
November 5, 2012

Plaza 900 Grille to become slaughterhouse

The popular University of Missouri dining hall Plaza 900 will turn its Grille station into a legitimate slaughterhouse. Mizzou Dining Hall Director Jared Harris said that the new slaughterhouse came as inspiration from his experience from eating and working at the Plaza 900 Grille. “I’ve been working at Plaza for quite some time, and the... MORE »

Article by Mitch Finnegan
October 24, 2012

MU students suspect nicotine as Baja’s secret ingredient

Below the Hatch and Schurz residence rests a beautiful gem, an in-and-out restaurant named Baja. Virtually hidden from plain sight on the very edge of campus, it would appear Baja would have to do some serious advertising to get any business at all. Simply by word of mouth, Baja has flourished into a remarkably convenient... MORE »

Article by natkirst
October 23, 2012

Pizza Party Convinces All MU Students To Stop Drinking

Last Friday, in honor of alcohol responsibility month the Wellness Resource Center held a pizza party where they served up slices, soda and a slew of awesome facts about the dangers of alcohol. This event has been hailed the most successful event of all time, managing to convince every MU student, regardless of age, to... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
October 23, 2012

Freshman Dies in Homecoming Pomping Accident

A University of Missouri freshman died Monday after excessive tissue paper pomping. Robby Slawson, the victim in the accident, was pronounced dead by paramedics at 2 a.m. on Monday. Initial reports indicate that Slawson died from a combination of dehydration, exhaustion, asphyxiation and severe flatulence. “It was a big mess…just, really really nasty,” fraternity brother... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
October 17, 2012

Student Donates Blood to Save Money on Alcohol

A student at the University of Missouri donated blood Monday to save money on his alcoholic expenditures. Albert Coholic, a sophomore business major, gave blood at Mizzou’s annual homecoming blood drive. Coholic said that he has been waiting all year to make his donation. “I care a lot about the welfare of others and shit,”... MORE »

Article by natkirst
October 11, 2012

Chess Team Offers Free Blow Jobs To Vanderbilt Fans In The Name Of Sportsmanship

In the spirit of the somewhat overbearing sportsmanship that Mizzou fans dish out every game day, MU’s nationally ranked chess team decided they would show their appreciation to the Vanderbilt fans that drove 433 miles by offering free blow jobs to anyone showing some Commodore pride. “We were at the Golden Corral to celebrate our... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
October 11, 2012

Student’s Case of Mudbutt Reaches Critical Mass During Midterm Exam

A student at the University of Missouri experienced the worst-recorded instance of mudbutt in history during his first midterm examination. Dalton Croggs, a sophomore at Mizzou, reported the incident Thursday after his exam ended at 3:50 p.m. Doctors at the Student Health Center treated Croggs and noticed that his underwear had suffered severe damage. Mudbutt,... MORE »

Article by natkirst
September 29, 2012

Tests Show Nobody Can Read or Spell

A recent exam in Psychology 1000 proved not only do Professor Richard Stevenson’s students have absolutely no grasp on general psychology, but they are also unable to read and spell even the simplest of words. This only came as some what of a shock to Stevenson and his Teaching Assistants, as they cannot read or... MORE »