tagged »

Article by natkirst
January 8, 2013

Cool College Guy Claims He’s Really Into Sports And Having Sex With Women

Last Thursday night Freshman Doyle Matheson admitted in conversation with a member of the opposite sex that he was “really into sports.” “Ladies love guys that are really into sports,” said Matheson, “which explains why I get it in on the regs.” As evidence of his love of sports, Matheson receives ESPN updates to his... MORE »

Article by Kevin Cardoni
April 21, 2012

Student Stops Sleeping for Finals

Jason Mandelbaum, a freshman engineering student, knows the value of a good night’s sleep, or lack there of.  That’s because he is currently embarking on a marathon of sorts, albeit one that requires little training above knowing how to open a can of Red Bull. The life of an engineer in training is not an... MORE »

Article by apost
November 7, 2011

Recent Study Finds Cornell Cool Complex (CCC) Begins in Sophomore Year

The CCC has been speculated about amongst social scientists at Cornell University for many years. Until now the complex has never been able to be understood or analyzed seeing as the onset has been unclear. No longer do we have to merely hypothesize! “There seems to be an existing trend in some of the undergraduate... MORE »

Article by BradBabendir
November 7, 2011

MU transitioning to ‘Cool Free’ campus

There are some invariable and inescapable facts about smoking tobacco. The first is that every cigarette you light up affords you anywhere between six and 12 cool points. This fluctuation depends on brand, but free cool points are free cool points. The second is that it will eventually kill you, but so will breathing and... MORE »

Article by Leah Folta
October 24, 2011

Open Letter: It’s time guys wear sexy Halloween costumes too

Dudes and gentlemen:   As I’m sure you’re aware, Halloween is this weekend. As I’m sure you’re also aware, this means many women ““ just like yourselves, but they’re women ““ are readying a mind-boggling variety of tiny half-costumes as we speak.   These ladies embrace the Sexoween slutparade and display their legs and the... MORE »