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Article by rkrieg
December 7, 2011

Student Emerges from Depths of Hell

An unnamed sophomore was found Tuesday morning rocking himself back and forth in fetal position under the Bunny statue. When brought inside to Whispers to thaw out his eyelids, he whispered, “I’ve come from a dark, dark place.” The biology, political science, and Russian studies triple major explained that he was revved up for the last week of classes... MORE »

Article by Jared Martin
December 6, 2011

The New BFF: Butler’s Fourth Floor

There are some things one should expect upon entering Butler Library: books, overpriced brownies, the occasional lesbian librarian, stack elevators covered in green tea and semen. But there is one thing that one would not expect, yet lives and breeds in the library’s halls like Lindsay Lohan’s herpes: the BOdorous stench of the fourth floor.... MORE »

Article by doodlebug
December 6, 2011

Wash U Makes Another Top Ten List!

Tuesday: Delighted university officials announced that WUSTL has made yet another publicized top ten list: “Top Ten Schools That Have Made Nearly Every Top Ten List Except The List of Top Ten Schools.” Previous top ten spots include “Top Ten Friendliest Campuses,” “Top Ten Campuses with Renowned Cement Architecture,” “Top Ten Research Institutions,” “Top Ten... MORE »

Article by Grill
November 14, 2011

Apologia: Why I Drop Kicked You in the Face.

The seconds ticked rapidly towards midnight that evening. It was the eve of one of those devilish Wash U Monday’s when, for some reason, all professors decide to assign something major for the weekend. And there I was, alone, isolated in a top floor library cubicle, diving into analytical essays, while simultaneously reviewing statistical concepts... MORE »

Article by rkrieg
November 9, 2011

So You Think You’re a Whispers Socialite

As WashU students, you are obviously getting your monthly fix of human interaction from library socialization. If not, you are probably one of the kids who draw anime in Bear’s Den, a member of the university’s molepeople population (including the Sam Fox molepeople sector), or someone who “goes out” … whatever that means. The library... MORE »

Article by apost
October 27, 2011

Olin Stacks Flasher Finds True Love at Jewish Speed Dating

Recently an anonymous male was found running around Olin exposing himself to females and shocking them to the point of tears. CampusBasement investigative reporter Jenna Til-Warts had an exclusive interview with the famous flasher. She pried into the mind of the psychopath in an attempt to figure out what the roots of his problems were. ... MORE »

Article by Lia Woodward
October 6, 2011

Student discovered after being lost in Doheny book stacks for 20 years

In October of 1991, James Van Wells, a sophomore at the time, made a casual visit to the book stacks at Doheny library. He probably just wanted to lose himself in some book, but little did he know, things were about to get very literal. A week later, James had been missing for (you guessed it) a week, and... MORE »

Article by shepbb
October 4, 2011

Local Ithaca Resident Arrested After Being Caught Living in Uris Library

Michael Bates, a local resident of the city of Ithaca, was reportedly arrested last Friday night by the Cornell University Police Department after allegedly living in the Uris Library “cocktail lounge” for nearly a week.   According to the police report, Bates allegedly entered the library Monday morning. He was then seen, on a few... MORE »