tagged graduation »

Article by Plowzer
February 3, 2012

Progressive Spokeswoman Flo to Speak at Cornell Convocation

Progressive Insurance spokeswoman Flo will speak to the graduating class of 2012, the Class of 2012 Convocation Committee announced Sunday. Flo is most famous for her highly acclaimed commercials, in which she utilizes a variety of shenanigans to manipulate unsuspecting patrons into buying insurance. She is also credited with the creation and up-keep of the... MORE »

Article by Piliour
November 17, 2011

Report: Class of 2015 is F*cked

On Thursday it was revealed in a US News report that the graduating class of 2015 is Completely Fucked. The news, while surprising to some, cannot be a complete shock; speculators have consecutively categorized graduating classes in diminutive manners, calling the class of 2013 “Shit Outta Luck,” and the class of 2014 “A Dell Computer.”... MORE »

Article by rkrieg
November 16, 2011

Acronyms That Will Prevent Me From Graduating

Allow me to rephrase… Abbreviations that WashU uses to stop me from graduating. Specifically, abbreviations that make me fail… At the very least, evidence that suggests WashU truly wants me to break down into hysterics in the middle of Whispers. QA: Quantitatively Annoying. When I reached the ripe age of twelve years old, my mother gave me a pair... MORE »

Article by Malcolm Gladwell
January 11, 2011

Excerpt from “Nonstarters” by Malcolm Gladwell

Chapter 1: Eviction Day Isaac Tweedy woke early on the morning of June 1st of last year.  He was in his truck and checking off addresses before dawn.  As a college town landlord, many of his tenants’ May-to-May leases were up, and it was time to kick out the graduates. 7041 Lancaster Avenue was his... MORE »

Article by Piliour
December 8, 2010

Student Finishes Four Years of College Only to Discover He Never Enrolled

Brad Decker completed all of his core requirements by the end of his sophomore year. He had fulfilled all requirements toward his major, including a 90-page thesis that took him the better part of his senior year to complete. He had even taken extra classes, “just for the shit of it.” Unfortunately, when graduation day... MORE »

Article by Rud
September 26, 2010

Students Graduating Before Reaching End of Ernie Davis Sandwich Line

            An epidemic has swept the Syracuse University community. Students are entering the Ernie Davis Dining Hall’s sandwich line only to find out that literally years have gone by when they finally receive their sandwich.               “It was nuts!” commented former Syracuse student Kristina Barvara. “I... MORE »

Article by Piliour
September 3, 2010

5 Things To Do Before You Graduate

And last but not least!…   Visit the Inn Complete: It’s a short drive to south campus. Hell, you could even walk if you’re not too lazy. Get over there, have a beer, grab some food, play some pool, do trivia, the place has a pretty sweet atmosphere and most undergrads never venture in. Sure,... MORE »

Article by Anonymous
April 26, 2010

Take Back Commencement from the Take Back Commencement People!

Guys, this is getting a little silly. On Thursday, the DO featured two more opinion articles on why Jamie Dimon is a poor choice for commencement speaker. We can now hate Dimon for his company’s environmental policies in addition to its help in nearly ruining our economy. While we’re at it, don’t forget his close... MORE »