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tagged graduation »
Research finds “Commencement” is no longer a terminal illness
The class of 2012 and all its friends can breath a collective sigh of relief about at least one thing as May 11th approaches, thanks to some timely research conducted by the University of Southern California. According to chief researchers, 98% of the student body was under the impression that Commencement, or “graduation” in dirty... MORE »
Make Some April Fools!
It’s that day again, dear readers. It is a day of enlightenment, for us all to share in new beliefs. Today, gullible is written on the ceiling, genetically-engineered winged pigs have escaped their containment tanks, and HBO canceled Game of Thrones on a whim at 12:00 AM. Really! Anyone with half a brain can become... MORE »
The Grand Graduation Ceremony
Although graduating in Newark has its own excitements, we all know what graduation will actually be like… MORE »
Columbians Withhold Sex Over Obama Controversy, Barnard Women Rejoice
On Saturday, March 3rd, Lindsay Lohan debuted her new inflatable face on Saturday Night Live, scaring children, parole officers, and Aaron Samuelsez across this great nation. In equally exciting news, March 3rd brought with it the announcement that President Barack Obama will be speaking at Barnard College, the most prestigious of all female colleges barring Rupaul’s... MORE »
The Goodbye Guidebook: How to Sever Ties With Those People Before Graduation
Saying goodbye sucks. Unless you’re saying goodbye to Ramapo, which will be a joyous occasion celebrated on May 16th in the car-theft capital of America. But as far as saying goodbye to people, it can get a little dicey. For true friends, it won’t be too complicated, as you guys have already booked a house in... MORE »
Nets overjoyed to meet their idols: Ramapo Basketball Team
With the recent news that the Ramapo College graduation has been moved from the band shell to the Prudential Center; many Nets players are overcome with joy. “I really hope that the Ramapo College basketball team can show us a thing or two about how to win games,” Nets Point Guard Deron Williams stated in... MORE »
Progressive Spokeswoman Flo to Speak at Cornell Convocation
Progressive Insurance spokeswoman Flo will speak to the graduating class of 2012, the Class of 2012 Convocation Committee announced Sunday. Flo is most famous for her highly acclaimed commercials, in which she utilizes a variety of shenanigans to manipulate unsuspecting patrons into buying insurance. She is also credited with the creation and up-keep of the... MORE »
Report: Class of 2015 is F*cked
On Thursday it was revealed in a US News report that the graduating class of 2015 is Completely Fucked. The news, while surprising to some, cannot be a complete shock; speculators have consecutively categorized graduating classes in diminutive manners, calling the class of 2013 “Shit Outta Luck,” and the class of 2014 “A Dell Computer.”... MORE »