tagged freshmen »

Article by G-Nonymous
September 18, 2011

Mysterious Character “Dave” Inviting Freshmen Into Frat Parties

Cornell Freshmen, have you ever gotten stuck outside a frat party while the brother at the door attempts to shoe you away, claiming “Bro the frat’s beyond full”? Do you get even more frustrated when he then lets in that group of seven guys and two girls who are sixes at best right next to... MORE »

Article by Piliour
August 30, 2011

Dorm Life

You’re in the elevator. Next to you, a nerdy kid, a jappy girl and a frat boy. You don’t want to judge, but you hate all of them instantly. You exit into the lounge to see a guy, a guy who looks like you, dresses like you, smells like you. At least you assume he... MORE »

Article by emcorbet
August 27, 2011

Additional tours added to SU for current and incoming students to see Michael Jordan’s daughter’s room

Greeting current or incoming students! Are you tired or bored with the same ole, same ole that SU has shown you? Are you frustrated with ho-hum tours that only reveal inaccurate depictions of dorm room sizes, dining hall food, and expensive classroom materials that you will pay for but never be allowed to use? Are... MORE »

Article by smalls
August 26, 2011

Cornell Girls: Read

Welcome to Cornell! I’m sure you’ve already seen/heard about the lovely gentlemen driving around in their pick-up with a banner reading “Thank You For Your Daughters”! Regardless of whether you are potential hos-in-training or those ladies who still think their ladyparts should be saved until marriage, I can offer you some sage advice from the... MORE »

Article by Piliour
August 25, 2011

Home to the Dome: I’ll Be Your Friend!

In an effort to boost participation at the annual Home to the Dome event held, as the name suggests, in the Dome, SU has decided to rename the event. This year, they’ll forgo the informative “Home to the Dome” title and replace it with a more assertive title: “Seriously, Guys, Please Come to the Dome.”... MORE »

Article by Leah Folta
July 1, 2011

What Summer Orientation Should Have Been

Those still on campus for the summer may have noticed that it’s abuzz with three-day bursts of panicky, fresh-faced nervous energy lately. Those without much else to keep themselves entertained are already aware ““ it’s summer orientation! If you’re like me, you were rejected when you applied to work orientation (twice!) but also wish you... MORE »

Article by
April 21, 2011

TCAT Bans Freshmen: Freshmen Protest

In a move that’s come as a real shock to Cornell Students, The Tompkins County Department of Transportation has banned all freshmen from riding TCAT Buses, effective immediately. In a recent announcement, County Transportation Secretary Jay LaHood stated, “Its time for the disrespect to end.  There have been lots of complaints by drivers of freshman... MORE »

Article by Leah Folta
April 2, 2011 1 Comment

Freshmen still thrilled for first use of the condom bucket

“I feel like it just sits there and glares, by my RA’s door, like a big, red “you could be having THIS MANY sex!!’ sign,” freshman Dillon Dane says of his floor’s standard Candy and Condoms bucket. The buckets exist to ensure students are provided free access to safe sex practices and Starburst, both in... MORE »

Article by Piliour
March 31, 2011

Freshman Breaks Record for Most Hours Spent Watching Tim Allen

Tina Vasquez set a new record last night when she spent 17 consecutive hours watching Tim Allen-related media, and all without leaving her bed. “I didn’t even realize it,” says Vasquez. “It was kind of like when you’ve got a booger stuck in your nose but you don’t find out until there’s this massive glob... MORE »