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Article by Lia Woodward
February 29, 2012

Freshman guy seeks serious relationship; Community shocked and confused

The very foundation of college life was rocked today when Dave Dover, an attractive freshman male just like any other, calmly announced to his friends and colleagues over breakfast that all he really wants is a serious, long-term relationship with a classy girl and will settle for nothing less. “I’m a young guy that’s just... MORE »

Article by Annie Segal
February 23, 2012

Newhouse Freshman self-nominates COM 117 project for an Academy Award

Multimedia Storytelling (COM 117) is a required course for every Newhouse student. Freshman Jessica Serkiss took the class extremely seriously. Serkiss and her group received an A- for their 2 minute non-fiction film about Syracuse’s weird weather entitled “Where’s the Sunshine?”. Serkiss’s first thought upon seeing her grade was, “I totally deserved an A+, this... MORE »

Article by Nicole G
February 22, 2012

Freshman Buys Enough Underwear to Last Until Spring Break

Brewster Hall was in a state of emergency yesterday when undeclared freshman Bobby Hughes was rushed to BJ’s Wholesale Club for underwear. The native of Outsideofphilly, PA somehow never learned how to do laundry. Floormates believe it was the consequence of having a girlfriend still in high school. Last semester, Hughes went home twice before... MORE »

Article by Alex Rosenthal
February 22, 2012

College Freshman Meme Kid Graduates; Still Naive and Full of Optimism

If you’ve been following your college’s “Memes” page on Facebook, you’re probably familiar with UNH student Griffin Kiritsy, whose fresh-faced, pathetically earnest smile is the butt of the popular College Freshman meme joke. To put it into non-internet nerd language: college students use his photo as a template to share brief, humorous anecdotes about things... MORE »

Article by Alex Rosenthal
February 20, 2012

New Fraternity Pledge Shocked to Realize Brothers Lied to Him During Rush

Now that Syracuse University’s IFC spring rush period has finally come to an end, aspiring Greeks around campus have officially made the coveted transition from GDIs to worthless maggot pledges, prepared for the toughest physical and mental challenge of their college careers. Delta Theta pledge Marc Nason, however, was caught off guard to learn that... MORE »

Article by hartadam
February 9, 2012

Freshman Steps on ‘M,’ Disintegrates

Unless you are an idiot, foreign, or go to Ohio, or some combination of the three, you know that stepping on the “M’ before your first bluebook results in failing said test at UofM. The brass, block-letter “M’, donated by the class of ’53, has scared off more kids than (insert pedophile). Activists have set... MORE »

Article by Cailin Lowry
February 2, 2012

Freshman Sees Nipple, Urges DPS to Expand Crime Alerts

Despite a relaxing day at Manhattan Beach and two trips to Yogurtland, last weekend was tough for freshman Leslie Boudreaux. Between slurps of her Ground Zero milkshake (Everything But the Girl Scout, a solid, if not metaphorical choice), Leslie tells her story. “I was behind Leavey, on my way back from the Lyon Center when... MORE »

Article by Jonfen
December 19, 2011

4.0 GPA Totally Compensates for Sex-less Semester, Rationalizes Freshman

Upon checking his course grades on student center, freshman Phineas Plottman expressed tempered joy and mild exuberance over the fact that his semester spent not fornicating with members of the opposite sex, culminated in a 4.0 GPA. “Oh my gosh, this feeling is so amazing,” said Plottman meekly, “definitely more satisfying than repeatedly thrusting my... MORE »

Article by Annie Segal
December 15, 2011

HWD 101: How Hollywood Tries to Prepare You for College

Before coming to college, every future student loads up on movies about college life. Right now, as more and more 12th graders are getting their early decision college acceptance letters, they are stocking up on movies about becoming the king on campus in their freshman year. Well, they’re all going to get a huge wake... MORE »