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If you are a student at Bryant, you know that finals week occupies 99% of your grade during 1% of the semester. Accordingly, you have focused all of your time and effort to not failing any of your courses. What you have missed is obvious miscues from several branches on campus. We have highlighted just... MORE »
It’s 6:42 AM. Finals week. You’ve taken enough Adderall to cure yourself of that annoying sitting still habit you used to have. You haven’t slept in 39 hours. You haven’t had sex in 32 hours. You’ve watched so much porn to distract yourself from this 20-page paper that’s due in less than four hours that... MORE »
On the first day of Christmas, Professor gave to me: A night of binge drinking. On the second day of Christmas, Professor gave to me: 2 hours of sleep, And a night of binge drinking. On the third day of Christmas, Professor gave to me: 3 books to read (where do I buy books?), 2... MORE »
It is terribly important that we all at Cornell, get A’s on every exam and every paper. But, the most important weeks of our year come in December and May. Finals week. From interviews and experience Cornell Basement has found that the ultimate key to success during Finals Week is sex. Yes, you can be... MORE »
‘Sup, my nuggets? That’s the safest way I can use the word I should be allowed to use, but fuckin’ peepz don’t get that I’m fuckin’ Sirius: mad black, yo. Dat’s da bull standard for ya, da bullshit standard. N E way, hope your all treatin’ you’re final exams like butts and stickin’ it to... MORE »
As finals are approaching faster than I can say, “hey winter break hey,” I thought I’d prepare a list of a WashU student’s essentials toolkit to prepare for the two weeks of doom that are looming over us all. 1) Sleeping Bag Now I know that you wonder at the stamina of the select few... MORE »
Groupon University: Groupon now offers a 60% discount on a graduate teaching program at National Louis University. This means that teachers will now have an answer to the age-old question, “What made you become a teacher?”: “There was a discount on Groupon.” Anyone Wanna Go Halfsies?: UMass Amherst began the semester by creating the world’s... MORE »
As the semester begins to wind down, one thing is clear to everyone in Cornell: Seniors no longer give two shits about anything. Well, thats not true – Senior Girls are hell-bent on getting dick before they leave for the real world and realize that they are actually still in the 4-7 range compared to... MORE »