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tagged drinking »
Three reasons moving out of a dorm makes you want to rip apart the student body
1) For all you Resident Advisors, I’ve been there. I get it. You have to close this campus down and invariably there will be some asshole who doesn’t want to leave the dorm by 6pm Sunday afternoon which means you won’t get out of here until long after your sanity and patience have skidaddled. More... MORE »
Jesus Misses Easter, Too Hungover
After 3 straight days of partying, Jesus Christ, 33, awoke yesterday on April 8 to realize something awful – he had missed Easter. “I literally remember nothing about the past 3 days,” Jesus said to our crack-investigative team. “And then I woke up yesterday with the worst Dad-damn headache I’ve ever had... MORE »
Non-drinkers can finally meet everyone’s ‘judgmental’ expectations by adapting statements from typical college party-goers
After several years’ worth of attending college parties as a non-drinker, I am noticing a concerning trend: we alcohol-free anomalies just are not meeting everyone’s expectations. When we show up to parties, ready to enjoy ourselves without bothering anyone or making a scene, we are a disappointment. Why? Because we are not judging people enough.... MORE »
21-year-old can finally drink in bars, can’t afford to drink in bars
“I’m not ordering cocktails made of gold!” yelled one SC senior as he was escorted out of a busy downtown bar last night. “Do they come off-brand?? Do you do payment plans?!” He is just one of many students whose long-awaited 21st birthdays quickly tanked due to bar-drink sticker shock. “Fifteen bucks is either a bottle... MORE »
BREAKING: Guy who doesn’t chip in thought beer was free
“It’s like when I found out Santa wasn’t real, all over again,” says Ross*, a junior who hasn’t put a dime toward beer the three years he’s been drinking it. “When I think back to all the shotgunning, all the beer pong… Even the victories feel like shame.” The frequent party host who broke the... MORE »
Raised Tuition Money to Benefit Overweight Space Creatures in Star Wars Galaxy
After much speculation and whispering amongst students, the truth is finally out about where the money from all the recent tuition increases at Ramapo College has been going. In one of his famous, “Message from the President” emails, Dr. Peter Mercer addressed the students of Ramapo College, informing them that their hard earned tuition expenses... MORE »
Three reasons drinking alone is better than going to a bar on Marshall St
I’d like to state that I am not an alcoholic. But I do like a good drink. What I don’t like is going down to DJs/Chucks/Lucys/Flip Night and waiting for seemingly decades to get to the bar only to find out their drink selection is based on lackluster liquor and even shittier beer. Why bother?... MORE »
Cornell Researchers Unsure Why Students Drink
ITHACA, NY – Despite numerous changes in University policy ““ including prohibiting freshmen students from attending open fraternity parties, and banning alcohol from sorority “mixers” ““ the prevalence of medical transports and other alcohol related incidents at Cornell has remained unchanged. Recently, a team of researchers from the College of Agriculture & Life Sciences set... MORE »
Around the Web
Check out the latest and greatest from our friends around the web! Whether you’re angry about McDonalds being out of chicken McNuggets, looking to reminisce about how amazing Titanic was, looking to throw a party without smelling bacon, or interested in learning what kinds of hangovers there are (hint: they’re all bad), this week’s links answer... MORE »