tagged drinking »

Article by carolineoreilly
December 28, 2012

The Story of Syllabus Week

Syllabus Week, known as the “Festival of Natty Lights” to many, will soon be upon us once more. Though widely celebrate by most college students, there are many who have forgotten the true meaning of the weeklong celebration. To remind us why we celebrate Syllabus Week, we have decided to retell the story of how... MORE »

October 31, 2012

Overbearing Mother Who Attended Parents’ Weekend Still Refusing to Say Who Gave Her a Hickey at the Tailgate

Monica Del Valle, a 46-year-old bank manager from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, became the object of intense scrutiny this past week after her son Danny, a junior studying Economics, noticed a small, asymmetrical bruise on his mother’s neck as she pulled him away from a keg stand. According to initial reports, the jovial atmosphere was disrupted... MORE »

Article by natkirst
October 23, 2012

Pizza Party Convinces All MU Students To Stop Drinking

Last Friday, in honor of alcohol responsibility month the Wellness Resource Center held a pizza party where they served up slices, soda and a slew of awesome facts about the dangers of alcohol. This event has been hailed the most successful event of all time, managing to convince every MU student, regardless of age, to... MORE »

Article by Jonfen
September 10, 2012

With Parents Away for Weekend, Fraternity Brothers Decide to Throw Party

On Saturday night, brothers of Phi Alpha Mu devised a scheme to throw a house party, while their parents spent the weekend at a resort in Cancun. Despite the parents’ numerous requests to “keep the house clean” and “not open the door for any strangers,” the Phi Alpha Mu brothers admitted over 200 guests into... MORE »

Article by jillboard
September 4, 2012

The Official Ramapo College Drinking Game

“WELCOME BACK PEONS!!” – President Mercer, September 4th, 2012 MAHWAH, NJ – BREAKING: In order to raise morale around campus, President Mercer just emailed the Ramapo Basement staff the Official Drinking Game of Ramapo College. I know, I know, it’s the oxymoron of the century. Obviously this game cannot be played on Ramapo’s campus, as... MORE »

Article by emcorbet
May 8, 2012

Three reasons moving out of a dorm makes you want to rip apart the student body

1) For all you Resident Advisors, I’ve been there. I get it. You have to close this campus down and invariably there will be some asshole who doesn’t want to leave the dorm by 6pm Sunday afternoon which means you won’t get out of here until long after your sanity and patience have skidaddled. More... MORE »

Article by Roy Parker
April 9, 2012

Jesus Misses Easter, Too Hungover

    After 3 straight days of partying, Jesus Christ, 33, awoke yesterday on April 8 to realize something awful – he had missed Easter.   “I literally remember nothing about the past 3 days,” Jesus said to our crack-investigative team. “And then I woke up yesterday with the worst Dad-damn headache I’ve ever had... MORE »

Article by Lia Woodward
March 28, 2012

Non-drinkers can finally meet everyone’s ‘judgmental’ expectations by adapting statements from typical college party-goers

After several years’ worth of attending college parties as a non-drinker, I am noticing a concerning trend: we alcohol-free anomalies just are not meeting everyone’s expectations. When we show up to parties, ready to enjoy ourselves without bothering anyone or making a scene, we are a disappointment. Why? Because we are not judging people enough.... MORE »