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Cool Story Bro: “I should have clotheslined him”
A kid, maybe 14 or 15, was bolting towards me. Like, at top speed. And just like in the movies, time seemed to slow down. I couldn’t move. My thoughts were all: “That’s weird. He’s running like, really fast. He probably has to catch a bus. God I really want a Coke Zero. French fries. Jon Hamm. Wait, what--” MORE »
And on your left we see……….
Admit it: you, like everybody else, went on a supervised tour of Syracuse University some time in your past. We all remember being herded like cattle around the quad, being told constantly that the steps of Carnegie Library led nowhere as our parents embarrassed us in front of our elder classmates. Judging by the excess... MORE »
Bike Traffic Safety: Written For and By (Insane) Bikers
Without laws our society would crumble like so many cookies. Our campus bike traffic is abnormally apocalyptic and Highlander-y, so we here at Campus Basement want to say: good job! That’s how you do it ““ mow down pedestrians/each other, take no prisoners but take the heads for trophies. For those who need help remembering... MORE »
Centro Announces, “Big Changes On The Way”
Centro has announced that changes will be made to its South Campus and Connective Corridor buses after vehicles struck pedestrians on three separate occasions in the past week. A spokesperson for Centro had this to say about the incidents; “We have been criticized in the past for the lack of timely arrival of our buses,... MORE »
Freshman Sees Nipple, Urges DPS to Expand Crime Alerts
Despite a relaxing day at Manhattan Beach and two trips to Yogurtland, last weekend was tough for freshman Leslie Boudreaux. Between slurps of her Ground Zero milkshake (Everything But the Girl Scout, a solid, if not metaphorical choice), Leslie tells her story. “I was behind Leavey, on my way back from the Lyon Center when... MORE »
Week in Review: I Want Newsual Healing
Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan headlines USC Quidditch team will face UCLA on January 29 : A longstanding rivalry that holds a certain magic for some. And an amount of politely hiding embarrassment for their families Daylong Bike Summit included new draft of bike safety recommendations : Suggestions about noticing stop... MORE »
Syracuse Police Under Investigation for Fraud
On Tuesday, the Syracuse Police Department suffered another huge hit: the Onondaga County District Attorney’s office opened an investigation into whether or not SPD is, in fact, a real police squad. “They’ve been around for hundreds of years, yet not once have I seen anyone arrested or, for that matter, even investigated,” said DA Kurt... MORE »
Syracuse police ‘Too Busy’ giving parking tickets to bother with Fine allegations
Mere weeks after Penn State became a nationwide spectacle, another scandal emerged in the world of college athletics, this time involving the Syracuse Orange and their basketball team’s assistant coach Bernie Fine. According to reports, allegations were brought to the Syracuse Police Department as early as 2002 accusing Mr. Fine of molesting two former ball... MORE »
DPS Discovers Black Market for Newhouse Editing Software
Department of Safety officers at Syracuse University discovered an underground black market for the distribution of popular computer software ““ used primarily in Newhouse ““ after checking on a South Campus apartment Monday afternoon. Two DPS officers conducting a routine apartment check on Small Road were surprised to find over a dozen students sitting... MORE »