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Article by hmerkt
April 23, 2012

Student’s First Boy-Girl Sleepover Spoiled By Homesickness

Freshman couple, Suzzie Cooper and Matt Stevens, had been planning their first boy-girl sleepover, a first for both parties, for weeks. Plans were made to spend the night at Suzzie’s since she had an apartment and her roommate seems to mysteriously disappear between 10pm on Friday and noon on Sunday every weekend. Plans began to... MORE »

Article by sambo24
April 17, 2012

Welcome to Short Shorts Season

With the random burst of heat that is gently warming up New Jersey, it is with great pleasure that we welcome Short Shorts Season a bit early this year. Short Shorts Season is the brief time between the end of April and middle of May in which girls of all shapes and sizes begin to... MORE »

Article by Roy Parker
April 16, 2012

If The Avengers Went to College

  Loganor over at Columbia Basement wrote an article awhile back called “If Disney Princesses Went to College.”  And being a boy… I unabashedly loved it and couldn’t stop trying to figure out which princess each staggering co-ed I saw while riding my scooter home was. This then got me scared that I had all... MORE »

Article by hmerkt
April 16, 2012 1 Comment

Matt Barkley Stays at SC Another Year To Fulfill Dreams of Being a DJ

As we’ve all learned from that scene in the Nickelodeon movie Clockstoppers, and the entirety of The Replacements with Keanu Reeves, winning a DJ competition requires supernatural feats of speed and dread locks while becoming an NFL quarterback simply requires minimal talent, a complicated emerging love interest, and a lovable band of misfits. According to... MORE »

Article by hmerkt
April 9, 2012

“Expert’s Research” Reveals Key to Guaranteed Hookups

We’ve all had hook ups, (or at least now we’re all in agreement that I’m cool enough to have had them) but recent studies tell us these hookups commence for reasons outside of what conventional wisdom, and common sense, would have us believe. According to research conducted by young men all across the country, being... MORE »

Article by Lia Woodward
April 4, 2012

USC fills “big envelopes” with rejection letters for April Fools; no one laughs

“In retrospect, it really wasn’t the best judgment on our part,” explained the Dean of Admissions. “We thought everyone would agree it was all in good fun, but…well, they didn’t.” Over the weekend, USC Admissions sent out large-size envelopes, also known as “big envelopes” which are typically understood to be acceptance letters, however this particular... MORE »

Article by Lia Woodward
March 28, 2012

Non-drinkers can finally meet everyone’s ‘judgmental’ expectations by adapting statements from typical college party-goers

After several years’ worth of attending college parties as a non-drinker, I am noticing a concerning trend: we alcohol-free anomalies just are not meeting everyone’s expectations. When we show up to parties, ready to enjoy ourselves without bothering anyone or making a scene, we are a disappointment. Why? Because we are not judging people enough.... MORE »

Article by sambo24
March 28, 2012

Spring Time is Mating Season, and Bitches Are Horny

Ah, yes, Spring has sprung…. From the end of March until the end of June, we are treated to some pleasant weather, the blossoming of flowers, and animals coming out of hibernation. These animals emerge for the mating season, where they take part in humping the shit out of each other in order to have... MORE »

Article by Lia Woodward
March 26, 2012

Week in Review: Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s News

Your second best source for this week’s Daily Trojan headlines. New president aims to strengthen community By community, she meant the tv show. Pew study found 36 % of young adults heard about Kony 2012 through the internet The remaining 64% only saw about it through the internet. Suspect entered classroom while class was in... MORE »