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Not Guitaring Laid?
After months of research, your team of Michigan CampusBasement scientists has made a shocking discovery. Gentlemen, playing the guitar will no longer get you laid. Recent reports state that finger picking your way into panties has plucked its final note. It was a joke to Dylan; your father had it easy. Playing in a... MORE »
Escaped prisoner caught on campus
Darius Phillips, 20, was arrested on the 1400 block of SW 42nd Street on Wednesday morning around 8:30 am on charges of domestic battery and grand theft auto. Phillips was sitting in the car of an officer who was just finishing a midnight shift. Officers were planning to escort him to a different car and... MORE »
Newhouse Kids Incessantly Asking Cusack and Roberts to Be in Their Movie
With the news of Emma Roberts and John Cusack filming at Syracuse University buzzing around campus, many students were interested in much more than just spotting the two stars. Allegedly, Newhouse student after Newhouse student have approached the two “Adult World” stars hoping to cast one of them as the star for their TRF class... MORE »
University Reads Memes; Fixes School
In a strange and surprising turn of events Sunday afternoon, Syracuse University announced that they would be ‘fixing’ the university in response to the popular SU memes page. “We had no idea that tuition was so high. We were positively stunned when we were informed by Scumbag Steve.” said a representative from Syracuse University. “I... MORE »
What Your SU Coffee Shop Preference Says About You
Dunkin’ Donuts by Marshall St.–So you’re a purist, eh? The one in Schine just doesn’t meet all your caffeine-related needs? I bet you complain that the Taco Bell in Kimmel “just isn’t the same.” Well, it isn’t, but it’s not like you’ve ever been there sober anyway. Starbucks on Marshall St.–Arguably the best cup of... MORE »
Ten Ways to Make Your Professor Hate You
1. On every essay exam, write 4 different ‘options’ as answers. On multiple choice exams, write long descriptions of your answer in the margins. Tell her you just don’t ‘get’ testing. 2. No matter what the subject matter is, whenever a question is asked in class, always relate your answer to Harry Potter. Hitler—>Voldemort. Jesus—>Harry.... MORE »
10 Ridiculously Impractical Ways to Stay Warm This Winter (Cuse)
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! Peel Otto open. Crawl inside. Burrow yourself. Were talking two birds here: food and warmth. Let the force be with you. Pay a group of freshmen... MORE »