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Winter Break Delayed: Washington University To Deny Students of Christmas
St. Louis””Wash U spoiled students Winter Break plans to head home a few days before Christmas, announcing a mandatory meeting to discuss the state of the university at 11 pm on December 24th. The school will require faculty to be present as well and attendance will be taken to ensure that no one has time... MORE »
Breaks: A Time to Grasp Perspective?
For those of us who believe we thrive at Lehigh in a full-functioning manner, going home for breaks can be the most depressing time in our lives. This is because we are faced with the cold, dead truth that it will take a miracle(s) to help us thrive after Lehigh in the real world. It’s... MORE »
Newly-Single Freshman Loses Confidence in Record Thirty Seconds
Sam Harper is feeling good. He’s free. Two days ago, he announced to the press and the Facebook community that he had broken up with his high school girlfriend of two years, Kristen Shaw. Now Harper, sans-girlfriend, is “out on the prowl again,” as he characterizes it. “It just had to happen, man,” He tells... MORE »
Thanksgiving Break Burglar Overwhelmed by New Selection of Video Games
Local Syracuse burglar Paul Smith hit it big last weekend when the university’s student body all headed to their respective homes for Thanksgiving break. Knowing that this would leave nearly every campus apartment empty, Smith capitalized on the opportunity to break into as many student residences as possible in order to expand his rather limited... MORE »
Extended Family’s Terrible Jokes Drive Teenager to State of Madness Over Thanksgiving Dinner
Freshman Sean Clark recently checked into a mental institution this November break, presumably driven to an irreversible state of insanity in response to his extended family’s fruitless attempts at humor throughout their Thanksgiving dinner party at Aunt Tilly’s. Sean’s seemingly impossible family tree includes obscene amounts of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and significant others. The... MORE »