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Dating at Ramapo; The Guys’ Guide
Dating at Ramapo is the trickiest of trades. It’s the epicenter of sexual frustration. Most girls at Ramapo have considered going lesbian to avoid having to hook up with one more Ramabro, but we already discussed that in The Girls’ Guide to dating at Ramapo. Thus, it is only fair to emotionally scar the Ramababes as well.... MORE »
Poll shows men wearing formal or business-casual clothes considered “distracting,” “super hot”
The unanimous results of the latest poll of the attracted-to-men community contains one surprising gem: dressed-up dudes are really hot. “I keep having to remind myself not to stare,” says an anonymous junior of the days her business class dresses up for presentations. When asked if she’d maybe be more productive if there were no... MORE »
Dating At Ramapo; The Girls’ Guide
When it comes to dating at Ramapo, it’s easy to say that one would rather succumb to prison sex than settle for a horny, chauvinistic Ramamale. As most of us girls know, (or gay guys), it’s slim pickens on this campus. Sifting through the hoards of normal-looking commuters can be tiring. However, it’s not as... MORE »
The Six Ways USC Has Ruined Me
1) Cost Let’s not play games. We all know what will be haunting all of us long into senility: $200,000 worth of blood money. Because of this, I can see only two outcomes for when I’m old: 1) I will be able to afford kids and not a house. 2) I... MORE »
Not Guitaring Laid?
After months of research, your team of Michigan CampusBasement scientists has made a shocking discovery. Gentlemen, playing the guitar will no longer get you laid. Recent reports state that finger picking your way into panties has plucked its final note. It was a joke to Dylan; your father had it easy. Playing in a... MORE »
Student reveals he is going home this weekend just to have sex
Watson Hall Quad 407 is buzzing with excitement. Three of its residents are going home this weekend to celebrate an important religious holiday: Drew Collins is headed back for Easter. Ben Schwartz and Mark Allen for Passover. However, its fourth resident, Jack Turney, is going home for a more important reason. “I’m going home to... MORE »
Graduating student realizes she missed the “weird hair window”
“I never thought I’d be someone who DIDN’t cut half my hair off and dye it red,” says Elle, a grad student finishing school in May. She has recently realized what many students do – there’s a small window in which to experiment with extreme hairstyles, after which being taken seriously by the squarer members... MORE »
Health center now has vaccine to protect sexually active students against Feelings
Feelings is a sexually transmitted disease in the same vein as pregnancy – when wanted, it can be a beautiful thing. When unwanted, as is often the case during college years, it can ruin lives. “My day to day is pretty manageable,” says Alex, a sophomore whose Feelings escalated to Hurt Feelings and to full-blown... MORE »