“¢ The Orange won the Big East regular-season title when they destroyed St. John’s during Senior Night on Tuesday as Andy Rautins and Arinze Onuaku played their last games at the Carrier Dome. The brightest moment of the night, however, arrived courtesy of Brandon Reese, who hit a three from the corner AND picked up a foul. He reacted by saying, “Wait, I played?! I blacked out, and the next thing I knew, everyone was standing over me. I just assumed I’d accidentally gotten knocked out by running straight into the basket”¦”

“¢ UU announced that the spring comedian will be none other than the king of the digital short, Mr. Andy Samberg. One can only hope that he arrives on a boat with T-Pain, drinking Santana Champagne and screaming, “Happy birthday to the ground!”

“¢ Maggie’s announced this week that, after a year of being closed, they are selling the bar. While many 21-year-olds could not care less, the under-21 crowd is ecstatic. So let’s see”¦Let’s give the new bar 2 months until the first raid catches 400 students who haven’t learned? But hey, at least the police department is using its resources wisely to penalize college students for underage drinking. After all, they could be using that manpower to stop the muggings, burglaries, and assaults that occur on a weekly basis. But that would just be downright wasteful.

“¢ Oh, and one last thing… WE’RE NUMBER ONE IN THE NATION! Louisville revenge on Saturday.