The Syracuse University mascot has been changed again.
First, the feminists came, saying that the “men” of “Orangemen” had to go. Now, conjunctions and articles have taken issue with the Syracuse mascot. Conjunction “and” and article “a” have decided that, by choosing to ignore their existence, Syracuse University is prejudiced against figures of speech other than “or” and “an.” These words are vying for the new Syracuse Mascot to be: the Syracuse And/Ora(n)ge.
“We always go together,” says And, holding back tears. “Granted, I’m not as selective as [or] is. Always giving people an option, do this OR that. “And’ is so much more meaningful than “or.’ No “ifs,’ “ands,’ or “buts.'”
A, on the other hand, is still bitter over a long-standing custody battle. “‘An’ thinks she can just step in and steal words from me! Like “historic.’ It’s “A historic document,’ not “AN historic document.’ That just sounds so stupid!”
Syracuse officials, many of whom do not understand the rules of grammar (or the grammatical joke persisting throughout this entire article) have decided to simply accept the change rather than fight with the irate words. However, rather than have attempt to defend the Syracuse And/Ora(n)ge, SU officials have decided to omit both “or” and “an” from the mascot. And so, the new SU mascot will be the Syracuse GE. SU officials say that this was the best way for them to avoid a lawsuit.
In a related story, General Electric is suing SU for $1.4 billion for misappropriating their name.