Centro Bus #6793 on Route 344 South Campus suddenly slammed on its brakes late Tuesday night, causing bumper to bumper gridlock as the bus worked through what appeared to be a mid-life crisis.
“I’ve been following this other bus, 6798, since five o’clock this afternoon. I’ve been right behind him every day at that time, just a few feet back.”
Buses on the South Campus route tend to wind up driving very close behind one another at night, according to residents in that area.
“It makes no sense,” sophomore finance major Chris Jenkins said. “I’ll wait forty minutes for one measly bus and then I get two inside of ten seconds. One’s full and one’s totally empty. What the hell?”
Bus #6793 had difficulty controlling its emotions as it spoke to reporters later in the bus terminal.
“I never take any passengers, unless 6798 gets really overfilled. That bastard controls when I start, and stop. He controls how long I stop. What am I doing with my life?”
According to 6793, its sister works the uptown East Side route in New York, and its brother is a fire truck.
“Now there are some mass transit vehicles with some purpose. My parents are really proud of them. What can I say I do? 6798 always takes the drunk college kids in front of me. I can’t even say I do that. I’m basically just his bitch.”
Bus #6793 took the opportunity to announce it would be entering therapy.
“There’s…there’s a lot of stuff I need to work out. I need to find meaning in my life. Let go of these crazy routes that render me a hollow shell of bus. How do they design those, anyway?”
When asked how Syracuse University bussing maps are drawn up, Centro spokesman Carl Raft said, “We usually just get drunk and draw a bunch of squiggles on a piece of paper, and that tends to work out fine.