Attention: football fans and Syracuse attendees. The
Syracuse Orange (men’s) football team is 6-2 and is, for all intents and
purposes, bowl-bound.

No, the BCS computer did not explode. No, the AP did not err
when it had Syracuse two slots away from being ranked. No, Doug Marrone did not
make a deal with the devil (that we know of). The team has simply done
something it hasn’t done in recent history: played football. Unlike the “glory”
days of Greg Robinson, Doug Marrone does not elect to punt on third down.

Still, something about this seems off. Syracuse’s last bowl
game was 2004, when they were destroyed by Georgia Tech. In two of the six
years since then, the Orange had 10-loss seasons. And last year under Marrone,
the Orange finished at 4-8. So what is different this year? What’s the story?
What isn’t Doug Marrone sharing?

CuseMyCampus found out.

“Well, I didn’t want to have to admit this,” said Marrone
hesitantly, “but here goes. We’ve been kidnapping some former greats and putting
the Orange uniform on them.” Marrone added, “Some of the ones who are too old
or dead now, we cloned years ago. For all intents and purposes, Jim Brown and
Ernie Davis are out on that field.”

Ryan Nassib: actually Donovan McNabb. Think about it. McNabb
was benched in the Redskins’ game on Sunday because he was “too tired.” Why
would a professional football player be too tired to compete in a professional
atmosphere? Because he had just played the day before.

And with Marvin Harrison at receiver, Jim Brown, Ernie
Davis, Dwight Freeney, and myriad other players, it’s no wonder the Orange are

Rumor has it Boeheim will follow suit. The projected
starting five for the men’s basketball team are Derrick Coleman, Gerry
McNamara, Carmelo Anthony, Dave Bing, and Brandon Reese.