It’s not exactly witnessing the Four Horsemen descend from a
pitch-black sky with two moons, but it is pretty damn close.

Saturday night, the night before Halloween that is colloquially
known as “Devil’s Night,” took on a new connotation of the phrase after many
Syracuse University students took to the streets as one of the characters from
the MTV smash hit show, “Jersey Shore.”

Snooki Polizzi, the show’s female star, was by far the most
popular costume going. With breasts and hairpoofs flying everywhere, as well as
the accommodating slurred words, many female students had the character down to
a “t.” It wasn’t all sunshines and rainbows for the army of Snookis, as many of
them were thought to be prostitutes by many men driving down Euclid Avenue late
Saturday night

Police are saying they have taken at least 32 Snookis into
custody for soliciting intercourse.

The rate of costumes celebrating culturally important
figures”” such as Lil Wayne, Angela Merkel, and Hades”” fell to a new low this
year at 22%. On the contrary, culturally dumb characters”” including the
aforementioned cast of Jersey Shore, The Teletubbies, and Nancy Pelosi”” were up
48% this year, a new high.

There was an amalgamation of culturally topical costumes up
and down Euclid Avenue this year: Brett Favre with his penis hanging out, The
Rent Is Too Damn High Party candidate Jimmy McMillan, Christine O’Donnell on a
broom stick, and President Martin Van Buren high-fiving Marilyn Monroe, just to
name a few. All of said costumes were way more creative and thought out than
the several JWoww costumes seen around the SU campus.

Halloween experts are saying that the shift in costumes is a
good indication that the world will end on December 12th, 2012 just
as the Ancient Mayans had predicted. The basis of this confirmation is that the
Mayans did not dress up as DJ Pauly D or “The Situation” for Halloween, ergo
they must be smart and therefore correct in their predictions.