Mrs. Potato Head: Who doesn’t have a leprosy fetish? Guys LOVE girls missing a nose here or a mouth there! Not to mention, the Atkins diet was so 2000. Carbs are back in and there’s no reason not to put yourself out to spud with the Toy Story diva.
Sexy Dorothy from Wizard of Oz: Everything about my childhood innocence says this costume shouldn’t be sexy. She’s just a helpless farm girl from Kansas with magical ruby slippers and a bunch of friends who have problems with self-acceptance. But damn, if the Yellow Brick Road led into her pants, I’d follow it without any musical encouragement from the Tin Man.
Sexy Freddy Krueger: This women’s Freddy Krueger costume takes sexy halloween costumes to an entire new level. It takes the gruesome looks of child-murdering Krueger and makes them sexy!…Kind of. At least there isn’t a mask. Plus, everybody’s just dying to wake up next to a girl who will kill them in their sleep, am I right? Night terrors are hot!
Sexy Bumblebee: One, it’s an insect. That alone should probably be the deciding factor, but no, there’s more. If you really want to get into it, the bumblebee also has a stinger which, for some, can make you swell up, make your throat close, and kill you. Hot, I know. The colors black and yellow: hideous combination. Oh, and that stinger I mentioned earlier? When applied, it also rips the guts of the bee out, killing it in a few short minutes. Plus it has the word “bumble” in the name, which is a word that should only be used in association with portly old drunks. Anyone turned on yet?
Sexy Adam and Eve: In theory, Adam and Eve is the sexiest costume on Halloween. With only an inch of cleavage here and just a peak of bajingo there, other “slutty” costumes are all just a tease. With Adam and Eve, you get to see it all…including someone’s Garden of Eden as well as their Forbidden Fruits. The costume is not all sunshine and rainbows though: Adam and Eve sounds awesome in theory, but in practice oversteps the boundaries of sexiness. Much like communism, dressing up as Adam and Eve is catastrophic, could lead to millions of deaths, and if Adam has been sleeping around with Steve, could transmit a terrible “red scare” in the groin area and inevitably result in the loss of mortality.
Sexy Treebeard: Behold, the mecca of costume ideas: J. R. R. Tolkien. While the sophisticated elves with their sexy pointed ears and those terrifying orcs, too all indeed provide worthy costume ideas, I’ve looked deeper into The Trilogy (capitalized because I consider it a proper noun) to find the most provocative of character costumes. Nothing makes me think of primordial, animalistic sexiness like Treebeard can. You’ll find me this Halloween standing at 14 ft tall in this scandalous little number.
