A recent survey of Syracuse University undergrads found that in the wake of Syracuse’s miracle upset over West Virginia, belief in mythical creatures is at an all time high. “If our football team just beat a top 20 team, then who says there isn’t such things as unicorns or an overweight white guy in a red suit that slides down are chimneys and leaves us presents and happiness?” testified SU Junior, Antoine Green. Unfortunately, belief in mythical creatures has had more of a negative effect on Syracuse than a positive one.
Belief in a “garbage fairy” has left students abandoning all “green” efforts and tossing their trash right out onto the street. Marshall St. was absolutely littered with food, cups and used batteries as students celebrated the Orange’s victory. Litter was not the only crime committed. Muggers resorted to stealing student’s teeth instead of wallets to place the money under their pillows and receive money from the tooth fairy.
Students have also stopped waiting for buses at the usual stops, baffling university officials. “When I asked a kid who I know lives on South how he was getting back home, all he said was that he was ‘waiting for the magic carpet to come. It’s twice as quick as the bus and it smells better.’ I tried explaining to him that that didn’t exist and would literally never come and he started mumbling about how he would just take the express cloud if that happened.”
Riots ensued when a group of SU students chopped down a large tree in front of Crouse Hall yelling that they were “finally destroying the whomping willow!”