[The setting: the ground floor of Bird Library, Thursday night, 12:31AM.]

ALEX SCHMIDT, GRADUATING SENIOR: (inner monologue) Despite being stuck in the library on this night because of my final exams, and despite feeling like it’s high time I graduated and went out into the world, perhaps I will deeply miss this place. For it is an esteemed institution of higher learning, where my fellow students possess both the vibrancy of youth and the gained wisdom of the maturity of their–

STRANGER SLASH FRATERNITY MEMBER STANDING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GROUND FLOOR WINDOW ALEX IS SITTING LESS THAN A FOOT AWAY FROM: [pisses directly on window, aiming straight at Alex's face, while waving and smiling]

ALEX SCHMIDT, GRADUATING SENIOR: (inner monologue) I wonder how long it’ll take me to pack.