Dear Randy’s Lover
So you were standing next to me at Drake. You were constantly jabbing your elbows at me every time I accidentally brushed against you. Girl, seriously? We’re at a friggin concert. Of course I’m going to jump and down and dance. My arm might brush against yours, but that’s not an invitation for you to start swinging them things like razors at my ribs. Calm down.
Also, I see you texting “Randy my Love”. If he really loved you, wouldn’t he be there next to you? Instead of me being on one side and your hams for gams friend on the other? Well, I’m sure you’ll work something out.
Next time you’re at a concert, you might not want to throw your elbows around quite so much cuz the next girl standing next to you might not be as nice as me. I easily could have elbowed you right back in your face, seeing as I’m about a good 8 inches taller than you. Right in your little face! SMASH! But I didn’t. Instead I wrote this.
P.S. N.E.R.D.= AWESOME and Drake, that whole thing you did with that girl on stage…that was just weird to watch. Otherwise, good job.