Fed up with Avid, SD cards, and that fucking error message that keeps popping up on the computer screen, junior broadcast journalism major Alison Hayden isn’t letting anyone in or out of the Newhouse editing suites until she’s done with “this bullshit assignment that shouldn’t even count.”
Sources say the suspect, who is 5’5″ and weighs about 120 pounds is armed with a sawed-off tripod and a loaded digital camera. The two Teachers’ Assistants and five students left in the editing suites began to grow worried by Hayden’s behavior at about 4:30 p.m., approximately seven-and-a-half hours before her midnight deadline.
“I knew something was up when she kicked through her suite window with her Ugg boots,” said classmate/hostage Amy Kurtzman via Twitter. “Then, I think everyone in the building and most people in Schine heard her drop the F-bomb.”
The Department of Public Safety issued a release with a list of Hayden’s demands, which include a twelve-hour extension on her deadline, first dibbs on photography equipment at the cage, a letter of recommendation for a summer internship, and “a new haircut for that slut T.A. who gives me dirty looks every time I ask her a question.” Hayden says police have until midnight to meet her demands, or things will get Ugg-ly.
Witnesses say Hayden’s sanity had been declining since early this morning, when her main interview subject failed to return a phone call, leaving her with nothing but B-roll and person-on-the-street interviews for her BDJ 464 package. She then learned that her B-roll was poorly white-balanced, leaving her with precious few shots to edit with, and nobody to blame for it except for herself… and the camera for screwing up, her professor “because he sucks at his job,” one of her classmates for refusing to help with her stand-up, and Nancy Cantor for allowing this to happen.
“Fuck you, all of you!” Hayden shouted through a second-story Newhouse window at about 5:30 this afternoon after attempting to edit with her poor footage. “I’m burning this mother down!” She declined to elaborate on her statement.
After her outburst, the suspect appeared to have things under control until she was informed via email that she had to write a web story after she turned in her package. The extra assignment is most likely what pushed her over the edge.
At approximately 7:14 p.m., Hayden locked the door to the editing suites from the inside, preventing anyone from entering or exiting the premises. SWAT negotiators have thus far been unsuccessful in opening a line of dialogue, but they think the suspect will make some concessions once she realizes she’s missing a new episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.”