Syracuse University students were disappointed Monday night when University Union announced that the Block Party lineup for 2012 would be Kaskade and Cold War Kids — A DJ and an indie rock band, respectively.
Students were so disappointed in fact, they told the nation. And then the world.
Within an hour, the hashtag #ThingsIdRatherDoThanGoToBlockParty was trending all over the world. Things students listed that they’d rather do included “Have A Sleepover at Bernie Fine’s House,” “Receive Tutoring from Fab Melo,” and “Go Swimming with Sharks With Some Chick’s Period Blood on Me.”
University Union officials have heard the turmoil in the wake of the midnight announcement, and are scrambling to salvage the event from inevitable child-abusing, shark-swimming doom.
“Fear not, students,” UU spokesman Ray Estevez said in a hastily-prepared press conference Tuesday morning, “Your voice has been heard, and we will find better musical guests to make this the dopest Block Party ever.”
When reporters informed Alvarez that no one says any form of “dope” anymore, he replied “Whatever, talk to the hand, bro.”
According to sources inside University Union, several desperate phone calls have been made to the Canadian band Nickelback, in hopes that the Grammy-nominated group would possibly reconsider attending. UU reportedly made an offer to Nickelback to take part in Block Party earlier this year, but were rebuffed.
“Nickelback is awesome, man,” the source said, “We’re really in touch with what the people want, and we know Nickelback would be a big fan favorite.”
Others in University Union are preparing a second campus-wide survey to poll students on who they would like to see perform, in the event that Nickelback declines the new offer.
Options on the survey reportedly include Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, that Really Irritating Band from the March Madness Buick Commercial, the old FreeCreditReport.com band, The Monkees replete with Davy Jones’ corpse, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, and Spandau Interpretive Dance, a Spandau Ballet tribute band.