Eye rolls, angry groans, and sighs of frustration echoed through the corridors of Day Hall yesterday, when freshman gender studies major Martha Sheldon had the audacity to take the elevator to the second floor amidst the company of six other dorm residents who lived on higher floors. The additional stop on the second floor, which happened to be only a single flight of stairs away from the first floor, allotted in a full thirty seconds of extra time for the six other students in the elevator, resulting in a total of three minutes completely wasted that could have been spent doing better things, like playing video games or microwaving a Hot Pocket.
Sheldon’s elevator-mates had no qualms with letting her know how disgusted they were by her sheer laziness and blatant disregard for exercising proper elevator etiquette. “I didn’t actually say anything directly to her because I didn’t want to be rude,” said Day resident Max Drummond. “But once we made eye contact I folded my arms as dramatically as possible and gave an extremely loud and exaggerated sigh to indicate my frustration by her behavior. I think she got the point.”
Seconds after Sheldon exited the elevator, the six remaining elevator passengers had a bonding moment in which they all connected through their passionate hatred for Sheldon and all second-floor elevator users in general. The unforgivable offense gave the six former strangers a jumping off point to start an engaging conversation that lasted all the way to the eighth floor. “Don’t you just HATE that???” Max asked. “So annoying!” responded another Day resident, Ashley Gray. “Taking it to the third floor is pushing it, but the second? BULLSHIT!”
Upon being confronted by a reporter, Martha Sheldon took the defensive. “I realize people aren’t too pleased with me. But it’s really not my fault I broke my leg playing soccer and have to hobble around on crutches for the next three months.”