“The only reason I ultimately decided to come to this school is because I heard they were making a Spiderman musical and I wanted to go see it. Then I get here and not only is the school in bumblefuck central New York, but the only show playing in the nearby theater is Rent. So instead of web-slinging and rock music, I can watch a play about disease and addiction. Sweet.” says Freshman Lyle Anderson from Oakland, CA.
Every year students from far away lands(and by far away I mean further west than Buffalo and further south than Philadelphia) come to Syracuse University expecting the cosmopolitan charms of the Big Apple, only to find themselves immersed in the not-at-all-itan(see what I did there?) culture of upstate New York.
“Did you know it’s like over four hours from New York? I thought maybe I could like take a train into the city or something; yeah right. I’m lucky if I can push my car to DeWitt to see a movie, let alone drive it out of the arctic tundra four hours to the city.” says Anderson.
Some students are not as accepting of their fate as Anderson, in fact, many students are overtaken with what the locals call “Ostensibly Horrifying Syracuse Hatred Incites Terror” syndrome. Or, OHSHIT, for short. This is an illness most common among students from areas such as Los Angeles or Phoenix, AZ, who thought that Syracuse was near New York City. Health Services has begun sending out mass emails about vaccination shots for this horrible, horrible disease.
