Disclaimer:
The article below is solely the author’s opinion and is not endorsed by Campus
Basement.

 

Campus
Basement is a nonpartisan, unbiased news outlet in touch with the real issues
at hand at Syracuse University.
So with the election
for the next president of the Student Association right around the corner, I am
proud to provide the student body with the facts they need to make the right
decision when it comes time to cast their ballots.
Thus, I’m going to grade each candidate’s
campaign through the only way I know how: through the lens of a judgmental,
materialistic Syracuse student. Let’s take a look at the candidates!

BIOS

Taylor
Carr:
Junior public relations major from Wolcott, NY. Outside of Syracuse, he referees for youth soccer. His
previous positions include orientation leader, assistant director of the
Non-Traditional Student Commission, Director of Advocacy for the Residence Hall
Association, and current chair of SA’s Student Life Committee.

 

Dylan
Lustig:
Sophomore international relations and economics major from
Nashua, New Hampshire. In his second year at Syracuse, he has already held
leadership roles in SA as a member of the executive board of the Dean’s Team,
liaison between SA and the Academic Coordinating Committee, and vice-chair of
the Student Engagement Committee.

 

Conclusion:
Both are WASPy white kids from the Northeast. They each have related majors and
good leadership backgrounds.


But
Lustig is not even halfway through his sophomore year, recognized as every Syracuse
students’ sluttiest year of college. He may be a bright, upstanding man, but do
we really want him to be our SA president if he has the distraction of making
it rain on dem hoes? Better
safe than sorry. Carr’s got the age advantage.


FACEBOOK INTERESTS

Taylor
Carr:

Music:
Ke$ha, B.o.B. Kid Cudi, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj

Movies:
Reservoir Dogs, Inception, Hoosiers, Seven, Harry Potter

Television:
The A-List: New York, Real Housewives, Jersey Shore, Glee, Lie to Me, House,
Criminal Minds, Real World, The Buried Life

 

Dylan
Lustig:

Music:
Michael Buble, Jason Mraz, K’NAAN, Chiddy Bang, Kid Cudi

Movies:
Inception, The Shawshank Redemption, Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison

Television:
South Park, Parks and Recreation

Conclusion:

You’re
welcome, Lustig Campaign, for revealing that Taylor Carr watches Real
Housewives
. You can cite me in your political attack ads. Lustig wins this
round.

HOTNESS

Taylor Carr:

Dylan Lustig:

Conclusion: No
one can hold a candle to former SA President Jon Barnhart, but we here
at Campus Basement are pro-fauxhawk. Points for Carr.


UNIVERSITY FAME (because we all know this is a popularity contest anyway)

Taylor Carr:

101 Likes on
Facebook

143 Followers on
Twitter


Dylan Lustig:

194 Likes on
Facebook

126 Followers on
Twitter

Conclusion: Carr beats on
Twitter but Lustig absolutely thumps his opponent on Facebook. Advantage to
Lustig.

FINAL RESULTS

Taylor Carr: 2

Dylan Lustig: 2

Dont forget to exercise your
right to vote! I mean, it is financed by Your Student Fee.“