The article below is solely the author’s opinion and is not endorsed by Campus
Basement is a nonpartisan, unbiased news outlet in touch with the real issues
at hand at Syracuse University. So with the election
for the next president of the Student Association right around the corner, I am
proud to provide the student body with the facts they need to make the right
decision when it comes time to cast their ballots. Thus, I’m going to grade each candidate’s
campaign through the only way I know how: through the lens of a judgmental,
materialistic Syracuse student. Let’s take a look at the candidates!
Carr: Junior public relations major from Wolcott, NY. Outside of Syracuse, he referees for youth soccer. His
previous positions include orientation leader, assistant director of the
Non-Traditional Student Commission, Director of Advocacy for the Residence Hall
Association, and current chair of SA’s Student Life Committee.
Lustig: Sophomore international relations and economics major from
Nashua, New Hampshire. In his second year at Syracuse, he has already held
leadership roles in SA as a member of the executive board of the Dean’s Team,
liaison between SA and the Academic Coordinating Committee, and vice-chair of
the Student Engagement Committee.
Both are WASPy white kids from the Northeast. They each have related majors and
good leadership backgrounds.
Lustig is not even halfway through his sophomore year, recognized as every Syracuse
students’ sluttiest year of college. He may be a bright, upstanding man, but do
we really want him to be our SA president if he has the distraction of making
it rain on dem hoes? Better
safe than sorry. Carr’s got the age advantage.
Ke$ha, B.o.B. Kid Cudi, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj
Reservoir Dogs, Inception, Hoosiers, Seven, Harry Potter
The A-List: New York, Real Housewives, Jersey Shore, Glee, Lie to Me, House,
Criminal Minds, Real World, The Buried Life
Michael Buble, Jason Mraz, K’NAAN, Chiddy Bang, Kid Cudi
Inception, The Shawshank Redemption, Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison
South Park, Parks and Recreation
welcome, Lustig Campaign, for revealing that Taylor Carr watches Real
Housewives. You can cite me in your political attack ads. Lustig wins this
one can hold a candle to former SA President Jon Barnhart, but we here
at Campus Basement are pro-fauxhawk. Points for Carr.
UNIVERSITY FAME (because we all know this is a popularity contest anyway)
101 Likes on
143 Followers on
194 Likes on
126 Followers on
Conclusion: Carr beats on
Twitter but Lustig absolutely thumps his opponent on Facebook. Advantage to
Taylor Carr: 2
Dylan Lustig: 2
Don‘t forget to exercise your
right to vote! I mean, it is financed by “Your Student Fee.“