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Graduation Dress
Students Graduating Before Reaching End of Ernie Davis Sandwich Line
An epidemic has swept the Syracuse University community. Students are entering the Ernie Davis Dining Hall’s sandwich line only to find out that literally years have gone by when they finally receive their sandwich. “It was nuts!” commented former Syracuse student Kristina Barvara. “I... MORE »
5 Things To Do Before You Graduate
And last but not least!… Visit the Inn Complete: It’s a short drive to south campus. Hell, you could even walk if you’re not too lazy. Get over there, have a beer, grab some food, play some pool, do trivia, the place has a pretty sweet atmosphere and most undergrads never venture in. Sure,... MORE »
Take Back Commencement from the Take Back Commencement People!
Guys, this is getting a little silly. On Thursday, the DO featured two more opinion articles on why Jamie Dimon is a poor choice for commencement speaker. We can now hate Dimon for his company’s environmental policies in addition to its help in nearly ruining our economy. While we’re at it, don’t forget his close... MORE »
Jamie Dimon Syracuse Commencement Speech (Sneak Peek!)
Hello Syracuse students and parents! I am so excited to be here on this beautiful day in Syracuse, New York! My name is Jamie Dimon, and I am the CEO of JP Morgan Chase. I thought I would jump start this speech by sharing my interesting journey towards becoming the Syracuse commencement-speaker. Before I was... MORE »
The Reddit College Cookbook
If youre fairly hungry and sick of eating the same-old dirty disgusting cafeteria food, check out the Reddit College Cookbook! The Cookbook was created by a college student who wanted to make some cheap tasty recipes that any college student with two hands and a brain could cook. It is packed full of awesome recipes that... MORE »
Class of 2014 Expected to Gain Freshman Sixteen
Because of a variety of internal and external factors, it’s rumored that members of the Class of 2014 are expected to gain one pound more than their predecessors, turning the Freshman 15 into the Freshman 16. Â One major factor in this increase in fatness is the location of freshman dorms. Ernie Davis has its... MORE »
DPS, Syracuse Police Arrest 14,000 Males Wearing Sweatshirts
In a sweeping attempt to crack down on the rash of armed robberies in recent weeks, hundreds of police vans and buses swooped in Wednesday afternoon and rounded up 14,000 white males wearing hooded sweatshirts and sweatpants. “After interviews with the victims,” SPD spokesman Lt. Dan Starks said in a press conference, “we concluded that... MORE »
Hockey’s Back! …and there was much rejoicing
I woke up today thinking it would be any regular Sunday: completely naked, my head laying over the side of my bed, desperately trying to avoid the sunrise shining through the pathetic excuse for curtains and onto my face. But then I saw the news, that glorious and long-awaited news, that the NHL lockout has... MORE »
Understanding men in one simple sentence
The wise words of a floormate whos name has been blacked out for privacy reasons MORE »
Ten Ways to Make Your Professor Hate You
1. On every essay exam, write 4 different ‘options’ as answers. On multiple choice exams, write long descriptions of your answer in the margins. Tell her you just don’t ‘get’ testing. 2. No matter what the subject matter is, whenever a question is asked in class, always relate your answer to Harry Potter. Hitler—>Voldemort. Jesus—>Harry.... MORE »