The individuals that make up the 2014 batch of Syracuse University freshmen are apparently quick on their feet and unyielding with their tongues.
Dozens of SU upperclassmen filed hazing reports to the Department of Campus Safety on Sunday, claiming that several fresh-faced Orangeboys and Orangeladies verbally accosted them as they walked by dorm rooms on campus.
“Seniors!” as well as “oldies!” were some of the reported taunts used by the freshman as the upperclassmen walked by residence halls such
as Shaw and Sadler Saturday night. One male freshman, who did not wish to disclose his name because he didn’t want “DPS on his ass,” implied that since the seniors were three years older, those “mofos” were “three years closer to the grave.”
Syracuse officials have not officially released any statistics, but they have indicated that the Syracuse Class of 2014 may be the “most heady and ballsiest class of students we have ever seen.
Brandon Cambron, a senior in the Setnor School of Music, says that he has gotten his fair share of verbal slams over the past four years of being a music major, but “none of that even compares to what these gosh dang freshmen did to me this past weekend.”
It is common tradition at Syracuse University for upperclassmen to yell “freshmen!” at packs of students from their houses and cars. According to freshman Carl Marks, a philosophy major from Germany, the Class of 2014 got “effing sick of zee insults quite quickly gebleeben zahausich.”
Since the inception of Syracuse University in 1870, freshman classes have been searching for a comeback for the “freshmen!” taunt. Several theories have been tested, including the “Just Ignore Them” method as well as the “I’m Rubber and You’re Glue” method. All of them failed miserably.
140 years later, the freshmen have worked up the courage and confidence to verbally stand up to the upperclassmen marking a new era in SU student relations.
In response to the oral attacks, officials representing the upperclassmen say they will be resorting to high school tactics and are formally inviting the freshmen to meet them at the flagpole at 3:30 PM.