Dan Calwell of the class of ’01 is suing SU because of its false portrayal of the kissing bench.
For those who don’t know, the kissing bench, located near the quad, is rumored to lead to good fortune in relationships. Supposedly, if you kiss a significant other on said bench, you will have a happy relationship that will eventually lead to a successful marriage. Such was not the case for Dan Calwell.
“Susie [my wife] ended up being a huge bitch,” says Calwell. “We kissed on that damn bench, and then she divorced me. She took all my money, I have to pay her alimony every month, and she even took my dog! I loved that dog. Why should I have to pay that bitch for SU’s mistake?”
Calwell alleges that SU is liable for “prophesizing an absurd myth behind the kissing bench,” as well as, “accepting that vile woman to SU in the first place.” He contends that Syracuse University should be held accountable for paying his alimony each month, for providing him with reparations, and he demands that the kissing bench be removed from campus.
Susie Calwell, however, maintains that the kissing bench had “nothing to do with Dan’s inadequacies. He was a piece of shit frat guy when I met him and I shouldn’t have settled. I guess there’s a lesson to be learned: frat guys are pieces of shit at SU, and they’re pieces of shit after SU.”
For now, SU has refused to comment on what will be done with the kissing bench. The question remains, though: how many marriages will the kissing bench wreck before someone puts a stop to it?
Photo Credit: Carly Piersol/Daily Orange piersolphotography.blogspot.com