Open up any weather app, website, or television station and
you’ll see the same thing: it’s supposed to snow Halloween weekend.
Now, this isn’t a big thing for upperclassmen. They’re used
to these winter wonderland predictions. For freshmen however, the concept of
snow has seemed to vanish from their minds as if they have a new version of
amnesia that causes one to forget every winter of their life.
After much research, Campus Basement has learned that this
amnesia, or Snowfall Disremembering Disorder (SDD), is common among every
freshman on campus. Polls have indicated that 99.57% of Syracuse freshman have
acquired SDD. Akna Uyarak, an Inuit from Alaska who represents those not
affected by the amnesia considers light snowfall “a perfect day for a game of
Marco Polo in the Onondaga Lake”. Oddly
enough, Akna’s best friend, Jason Merrigan, is a native of Miami. Jason wasn’t
affected by SDD either. “I didn’t even know that what snow was. I thought that
shit was an urban myth or something”, said Merrigan about this weekend’s
weather report. Poor kid never even knew that snow existed.
All of victims of SDD have taken to The Facebook to voice
their opinions on this weekend’s weather report. Tyler Martin’s most recent
Facebook status claims that “it is fucking snowin”. Robbie Mitchel, a
Minnesotan born and raised, put “snow :0″ has his Facebook status.
Freshmen are literally flipping shits over the change in weather. But how will this climate change affect their
Halloween weekend? Ashley Brown, who aims to dress up as a sexy DPS officer,
plans to “get as drunk as possible so [her] body gets as numb as possible, so
[she] can get with as many hot frat guys as possible”. Well there you have it
folks, the cure to Snowfall Disremembering Disorder and a wonderful way to
spend Halloween weekend!