For sophomore marketing major Alex Ross, Friday night was going smoothly.
“This real hot blonde was kind of eyeing me across the dance floor, right? And she’s with her friends but she doesn’t look too interested in them, so I go over to her.”
Ross said he began “grinding up on her ass,” and everything fell into place.
“She didn’t do what girls usually do with me, which is give me a disgusted look and disappear into the crowd. I was stunned.”
According to bystanders, Ross and the blonde to be named later reportedly danced through several songs, including an unusually long remix of “Sandstorm.” Mr. Ross felt confident that the anonymous woman would be going home with him for a traditional drunken collegiate hookup.
“She was in the bag, man. The deal was sealed. Why would you dance with a guy for that long if you weren’t interested?”
Then, disaster struck, as the DJ began playing Lady Gaga’s hit single “Bad Romance.”
“That song came on, and she just let out this shriek and turned around and shouted “OH MY GOD, I HAVE TO FIND MY GAY FRIEND! WE ALWAYS DANCE TOGETHER TO THIS SONG!”
The girl vanished into the pulsating darkness, never to be seen again. Eyewitnesses later reported seeing her laughing and hugging a man dressed in a leather vest and skinny jeans. Ross left the party and returned to his dorm soon after being abandoned.
“Fuckin’ Lady Gaga and gay best friends, man. They’ll cockblock you every time. Every time.”