It was reported on Saturday, October 16th, that Day and Flint halls located on the outskirts of the University in an area commonly referred to as “Mount Olympus” were seceding from the university. “It just seemed like the right thing to do.” a Day Hall supporter of the movement commented. “We and the university have a lot of irreconcilable differences. Like, we suggested that instead of forcing us to walk up a hundred stairs to get to our dorms, they raise the entire school so that it’s on the same level. That way nobody has to walk up stairs! I mean, really, who likes stairs?”
When this suggestion was shot down, the Mt. Olympians suggested an alternative. “After that proposal was rejected, we were like, ok, how about a chairlift? And they denied our right to a chairlift. We fought just as hard as the rest of the dorms during the revolution, they shouldn’t be able to treat us like this!”
After being informed that the University was in no way at war with any other universities at any point in time, The Day Hall representative incoherently mumbled something about flashbacks and responded, “It’s still our right as a member of this loose alliance of residence halls to remove ourselves from the rest of the university when we feel we’ve been mistreated. We’re going to start our own college, hold classes in Graham Dining Hall and its going to be fifty times better than your dumb, old university.” After this heated statement, the representative stuck his tongue out.
Reporters then asked if the new college, Mt. Olympus University, would be associated with Syracuse University. “Loosely…Like, we still want to use their facilities and root for their sport teams and go to their concerts and stuff.”
….So like SUNY-ESF?
“No. Nothing like SUNY-ESF.”
