For the first time in its history, the DO has put together an entirely typo-free edition of its paper. The record-breaking edition comes just days after one of its worst performances ever, recording over 183 typographical errors, ranging from missing vowels to omissions of words to flat out random letters. And the typos were not limited to article bodies either. Many headlines, including the cover page’s, “Orange Serpass Yukon in Thriler,” also contained numerous typos that, in addition to being distracting to the eye, had the potential to provide a completely different story.

Chief Editor Mary Beth Gladwell claims that she was “not surprised” by the typo-free performance. “It’s just like in baseball,” she said, “when you have a bunch of bad at bats in a row you just know that a good ones is coming soon up.”

Her writers were equally unfazed by what they have deemed “the perfect game.” Senior writer Cliff Bernarbo was, in fact, unaware that the DO suffered from frequent typographical errors at all. “To be completely honest, I have no idea that we was bad with the spellings. Everything is always seem right to I.”

Despite the blind optimism of the DO staff, SU students were flabbergasted. Sarah Mendez, a junior English major, actually lost more than $10,000 because of the impeccable edition. She had an ongoing wager with a friend that the DO “couldn’t possibly go a single day without a typo.” Once the unthinkable became a reality, she was rendered unable to pay for tuition at SU, and was forced to transfer to Onondaga Community College.

“I still can’t believe it happened,” said Mendez, wiping back tears as she packed up her things. “I mean, what are the odds? This is the same periodical that ran the headline, “Cantaloupe Nancy Canner to Suction Jaslkjf.’ What the hell does that even mean?”

Clearly, the DO has come a long way. Yet it remains to be seen whether this success will continue, or if this occasion is as once-in-a-lifetime as it appears. Gladwell remarked, “Hey, you never know. We’re not going to get ahead of ourselves, though. But who knows? If this keeps up, maybe people will start to actually read our articles instead of skimming the basketball highlights and then skipping straight to the crossword!”

Let’s be reelalistic, Meribyth. That’s just never gowing to hatten.