In the past few months, the Syracuse has been the victim of several robberies. In an effort to discover why particular students are targeted more than others, the Sociology department dispersed a survey among the student body, and the results were surprising.

One hundred percent of the students who were robbed said that they did not lock their doors on the night of the crime. Of those students, twenty-five percent said that they left their front doors wide open. And of those students, five percent put up signs on their front lawns with phrases such as, “No One is Home and My Door is Open,” “I Have Lots of Money in my Bedroom and a Flat Screen TV in the Living Room,” and “Please Rob Me Blind.”

Still, many of the robbery victims are baffled as to why the vandals choose their abodes. “I just don’t understand,” says Julie Andrews, a sophomore living on south campus. “When I first got home, the front door was wide open, the inside was a mess, but that’s just how I left it, you know, nothing unusual. Then I got inside and my TV was gone! Who steals a TV?!”

One robber, who wished to remain anonymous, commented, “It’s really not even fair. These kids get hammered drunk, leave with their doors wide open, and expect us not to steal stuff? Hell, I was the president of a company a year ago. But I quit because this job pays way better.”

Despite this undeniable evidence, students continue to leave their residences unattended, resulting in more and more robberies. One student wrote a strongly worded letter about how he still does not believe that he needs to lock his door. But he left the letter at his unlocked house on Friday night.

And it was stolen.