Thomas Aquinas, a sophomore philosophy major, woke up Tuesday morning with a dilemma.
“I was feeling not so great, but not awful either, the weather was really shitty outside, I really just didn’t want to go to class,” Aquinas said. He also believed that his 9:30 class would probably be having a quiz, which he felt unprepared for.
“I think there was also some reading that we’d probably talk about, and I just hadn’t gotten around to it, I’ve been preparing for midterms and stuff. Plus this girl I’ve been hooking up with is in that class, and I think she thinks it’s more than just a hookup, she’s been making eye contact and stuff with me lately.
“Just bad news bears all around, I really did’t want to go.”
Though Aquinas believed that it was “the perfect opportunity to take a mental health day,” as he was eating his morning Coco Puffs, he had a change of heart.
“I mean, dammit, I’m here to get myself an education, right? My parents are paying like, $750 per class meeting. I owe it to them to at least show up. Can’t blow it off and flush that money down the toilet just because I’m having a little bit of an off day.”
Filled with resolve and a newfound appreciation for his own morality and strength of character, Aquinas strode into class fully prepared to participate and continue to work towards becoming a contributing member of society. But it would all be for naught.
“I walked in there and my professor announced that we were watching the fucking Sandlot. Apparently that’s fucking relevant to German Logical Positivism in the 20th Century.
“On the bright side, I had forgotten how to make a s’more. So…silver lining I guess.”