In keeping with an ever-growing acceptance rate and a lack of housing at Syracuse University, Chancellor Nancy Cantor announced Wednesday that SU will introduce a new class for the Fall 2010 semester called Introduction to Camping and the Outdoors.
“We figured we could capitalize on a situation that is, quite frankly, less than optimal for our incoming class,” said an anonymous Dean of Admissions. “We accepted WAY more students than we could, and we have no where to house them. Usually, many of them choose not to come here, so it works out. But these little fuckers just keep coming”¦”
Because of the inordinate amount of students opting to attend SU for the class of 2014, Syracuse officials were forced to establish a new tent community in the center of the quad. Sources say that approximately 12% of the incoming class will reside in the new community, which will be named ImporTent Dormitory, in keeping with a new tradition of naming dorms after horrible puns.
SU officials are optimistic about the new living arrangement and class. “We figured, “Hey, these kids are living outdoors in Syracuse, New York. The least we could do was give them 3 credits for doing it.’ Of course, if they die from the cold before the semester ends, they’re not getting those 3 credits,” said Joe Thornden, newly appointed Professor of Intro to Camping and the Outdoors.
The incoming class, however, is not as enthusiastic about the new class as SU officials. “Are they fucking serious?” asked incredulous incoming-freshman Tyrese Brown. “I’m paying $50,000 a year to live outside? They’re outta their minds if they think that’s happening.” Other members of the incoming class have also expressed intentions to rescind their applications to SU in order to pursue enrollment at a different university.
“Excellent,” said Cantor upon hearing the news. “The housing situation is working itself out already,” adding, “Of course, since we won’t be getting the tuition money from these students, we’ll have to increase tuition for the others by about 9 percent. It’s only fair.”
This is a follow-up to a story mentioned in The Daily Orange today. Click here to read it.