Grandmothers are the sweetest people on Earth: all those years of giving you hugs and cookies, all those years of a five dollar bill in a birthday card, all those years of pies on the window sills”¦and she never asked for anything in return.
Grandma, or “grammy” is she is colloquially known, is now proving that payback is a bitch “” an octogenarian Social Security collecting bitch.
Several students are reporting that over Homecoming Weekend, some “contraband” was stolen from their bedroom while their grandmothers spent Friday and Saturday nights in their house or dormitory. The contraband was including, but not limited to: alcohol, marijuana, porno mags, uppers, downers, inners, outters, zippies, dippies, bongs, Eminem CDs, failed exams, extra-small condoms, Cuban cigars and leftover Subway cups.
“With my family in town for Homecoming, and since my grandmother has back problems, I let her sleep in my bed for a night” said junior Jeremy Girardi. “Little did I know that Nana stole some of my Jim Beam and my J papes. Unbelievable. She always joked around that she would get back at me for not “phone-calling’ her as often as I do. I thought all those years of over-sized socks as a Christmas gift were her payback, but stealing my “I Got Tipsy in Tijuana” shot glass? Now that’s a doozie.”
Grandma has yet to comment on the matter, because this story is being written after her bedtime of 4:30 PM.
Local police have been searching for clues in regards to the case. Officials are not certain, but they don’t believe it was Jeremy’s Grannykins who stole all shiz. They actually believe that it was his shady housemate Steve, since he’s always in Jeremy’s room unattended while he uses the bathroom.