Everyone at Syracuse has, at one time or another received the pesky e-mails claiming to know how to fight the flu. Most people do the logical thing and treat these e-mails as if they had come from Nigeria: they delete them. Since I was bored the other day, I took the time to actually read through those e-mails. Here’s what they say:
“How to Fight the Flu
With the recent outbreak of the H1N1 virus, SU wants to remind you to take proactive steps to prevent getting sick. The first and most important thing to do is to get medicine. Do not go to any random drugstore. Stop by one of the SU bookstores conveniently located throughout campus and pick up some cold medicine. And while you’re there, check out the sweet deals on all SU sweatshirts!
Next, go to the health center. Even if you don’t think you’re sick, just go anyway. Granted, by even stepping foot in the health center, you subject yourself to numerous colds, flu viruses and STDs lingering in the air, since most people who to go the health center are deathly ill. But don’t fear. If you contract something while at the health center, don’t worry”¦.because you can stop by the SU bookstore for all your medical supply needs! While you’re there, be sure to check out the amazing deals on SU T-shirts!
Lastly, come to Archbold Gymnasium on any day on which SU is giving out free H1N1 vaccinations. Every person who attends also gets a coupon”¦for the SU bookstore! Check out our sweet deals on SU lanyards, SU license plates, SU mugs, SU clocks, SU hairspray, SU toothpaste, SU tampons, SU condoms, and various other SU products! We have SU everything, and we love your money!
We should also note that it might make more sense for you to simply stay at SU for the rest of your lives. All you have to do is pay $50,000 a year and you get access to the health center and free flu vaccinations. And if you do somehow come down with something and get a fever, you can always keep warm by going to the SU bookstore and getting an SU blanket!
For more information on how to prevent that nasty H1N1 bug, contact the SU registrar and begin your payment plan today. You can even pick up a book of SU checks at the SU bookstore, conveniently located throughout campus!”
Clearly, this e-mail’s purpose was more commercial than informative. I contacted SU officials about this and learned that there is a book about how to actually fight the flu.
You can pick it up at the SU bookstore.
I hear they have great deals on other SU gear, too.