It was a long night for Syracuse Freshman Alex Hafey, who found a cockroach in his North Campus dorm. “It was really nasty honestly, I mean I know I left a lot of food out, but I still never expected it to happen.” Alex confessed. “I just think its awful that I’m paying like 12,000 dollars a year to live in here and that thing can just hang out all day for free on my dime.” Alex is not alone in his annoyance with the pests, other students have expressed their discontentment with free-loading cockroaches.
The University has decided to address the issue by charging every cockroach found with a bill for tuition and board. “We understand that not all cockroaches can support themselves and that some cockroaches are in better financial positions than others, but we offer loans and federal work study to help them forge their way through to a four year degree” a University spokesman said.
Unfortunately, relations between the students and the cockroaches have not been as smooth as the University would have hoped. On Saturday, Syracuse Sophomore, Tyrone Williams squashed a cockroach with his foot in the Ernie Davis sandwich line believing it to be just an ordinary pest. The cockroach was actually a student using its federal work study in the kitchen of Ernie Davis’s Dining Center and a cockroach uprising/species riots ensued. The University has thus rethought its policies.
