We’ve all seen him. The Creepy Guy at a frat party. You’re out with your girlfriends, chillin’ at Sig Ep or DKE, or wherever you go, trying to have a good time, dancing up a storm, and then, you feel it. His greasy gaze boring a hole into the back of your head. A hole that, given the opportunity, you feel Creepy Guy would not hesitate to penetrate. And yes, this is disgusting. But before you judge Creepy Guy, you should first get to know him. Here is a conversation between Creepy Guy’s Eyes and his Brain.
Creepy Guy’s Eyes: Holy shit, dude, do you see those girls?! They are SO HOT!!!!
Creepy Guy’s Brain: Yes, I see them, Eyes. They’re hot. Now please, avert yourselves! You’re making a scene!
Eyes: Yeah, but look how HOT they are! That girl’s hot enough to be in Kappa!
Brain: She is in Kappa, you moron. Now stop it!
Eyes: Ugh, you are such a buzz kill! Mouth, are you down there? Mouth?
Creepy Guy’s Mouth: Yeah, I’m here. Is Brain being a dick again?
Creepy Guy’s Penis: Hey, I resent that.
Mouth: Oh, shut up, Dick.
Eyes: Yeah, Mouth, give Brain some more alcohol. He needs to chill out.
Mouth: You got it.
(5 minutes later)
Eyes: HOT DAMN!!! More girls just came in! This is awesome!
Brain: Well if they’re so hot, let’s go talk to them at least! You’re making us look creepy, we’re just standing here staring!
Legs: Oh no you don’t! Brain, you don’t work so well with Mouth once you get some alcohol in you.
Brain: Shut the fuck up. Let’s go.
Penis: I agree. Let’s get over there. I am READY for ACTION!
(Creepy Guy walks over to girls)
Brain: Ok, be cool. Just say hi or something harmless.
Mouth: Hey, baby, you like hot dogs?
(Girl throws drink on him)
Legs: Abort! Retreat!
(Creepy Guy returns to the corner)
Brain: I hope you assholes learned your lesson! Especially you, Eyes, you’re getting us into all kinds of tro””
Eyes: Holy shit, look at THOSE girls!
Brain: Fuck my life”¦