Nerlens Noel, rated the number one recruit in the Class of 2012, announced today that he will play NCAA basketball at the University of Kentucky. After narrowing his list of schools to Syracuse, Kentucky, and Georgetown, he committed to the reigning national champions.
Orange fans, furious about how the events transpired, were determined to play the blame game and found a familiar target: Fab Melo.
Sports analysts report that Melo is the reason why Noel did not choose Syracuse. “Noel’s parents want at least a semblance of an education for him,” stated ESPN’s Andy Katz. “After hearing about how Melo had failed academically after becoming a frequent underage patron of bars off-campus, Noel’s parents decided that wasn’t the kind of institution for their son.”
In a post-interview chat, when Noel was asked why he chose Kentucky, he said he just really likes to win.
Noel revealed his decision in the most eloquent way an 18-year-old knows how: by shaving the school’s letters into his flat-top. “I really trust my barber’s opinion big decisions like this.” The barber was quoted saying, “I don’t have much practice shaving letters into people’s heads these days, and when my hand slipped while shaving the letter S, the easiest thing I could change it into was a U.”
Theorists also propose Jim Boeheim’s inability to rock Noel’s trademark haircut was another factor working against the Orange.