Tuesday, March 2, saw much confusion from elderly members of the Syracuse community, as senior citizens flocked to the Dome to attend Senior Night. Despite being informed that Senior Night was supposed to showcase Rautins and Onuaku in their last home games at Syracuse, the geriatric crowd would not listen to reason”¦because their hearing aids would not permit it.
Arthur Jefferson, a 78-year-old native of Syracuse, approached the Dome with hopes of getting in for free and being lavished with prizes. “I was told that it was Senior Night,” says Jefferson. “I just figured that meant that the seniors were getting into the game for free, that those Fat Cats were finally acknowledging us old folks.”
“Those Fat Cats” were not acknowledging the seniors citizens of the community, and Jefferson and his entourage were greeted with confusion. “To be completely honest,” says Carrier Dome security guard Tom Rhodes, “I had no clue what the hell they were talking about. They told me a half-hour story about how much popcorn used to cost, which had NOTHING to do with anything, and then I had to inform them that this night was for Rautins and Onuaku. Then they asked me where the bathroom was.”
In order to avoid confusion in the future, SU has decided to rename Senior Night. From now on, the night will be known as Four Years Night.
Hopefully, the new name will deter the old folks. And the preschoolers. And pedophiles.