On November 3rd, 2009, Syracuse did not play a men’s basketball game. If they had played a game, they certainly would not have played a game against LeMoyne College. But there was no game, so this point is irrelevant.
On November 3rd, 2009, the Syracuse men’s basketball team was actually not even a team. They had decided to disband earlier that morning and felt that taking a day off from being a team would be best for them, to insure that they would never lose to a team that is unfit to carry Jim Boeheim’s glasses case. Like LeMoyne College.
But they never did lose to such a team. Because, on that day, November 3, 2009, they were not a team, and thus, they could not have played against another men’s basketball team. Like LeMoyne College.
Members of the SU community have actually rallied to have that day, November 3, 2009, erased from last year’s calendar. “It was such an uneventful day,” says local Mike DiNapoli, a waiter downtown. “Absolutely nothing happened. Why not just erase it completely from the record books?”
But some members of the community are adamant that something DID happen that day. “I remember coming home from work, and then I think I did something else between 7 and 9 pm, and the last thing I can really remember is a guy in a suit”¦a man in black, if you will, shining a really bright, red light in my eyes. And then I just remember waking up the next day.”
Could it be? Were the Men In Black here? At Syracuse? Yes, it seems to be the only explanation for the communal belief that absolutely nothing happened on November 3, 2009. So, you heard it here first that on NovI WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT THAT LAST PART, THERE WERE NO MEN IN BLACK HERE, THERE ARE NO MEN IN BLACK, NOTHING HAPPENED THAT DAY. IN FACT, YOU DID NOT EVEN READ THIS ARTICLE. BECAUSE THERE IS NO ARTICLE ABOUT A DATE THAT NEVER EXISTED, LIKE NOVEMBER 3RD, 2009. YOU ARE NOT EVEN READING THIS SENTENCE RIGHT NOW.
NOW PLEASE, STARE DIRECTLY AT YOUR SCREEN AND LOOK INTO THIS BRIGHT RED LIGHT.