After Saturday’s soul-crushing loss to ‘Nova, Syracuse students have begun to look for a scapegoat for their aggressions. Their choice? Education.

Saturday’s game promoted the new “Say Yes to Education” initiative in the Syracuse area, a program which promotes higher graduation rates for inner-city youth. Students at the game did not quite grasp that concept and are now blaming education for their at-home loss. “Listen, all I know is that last year, when people weren’t talking about education before the game we beat ‘Nova. This year, they talked about education and we lost. Coincidence? I think not. All that talk about learning bummed everyone out. Intellectual pursuits have no place in my dome!” exclaimed an angry student.
Students have taken to extreme measures to show their disdain for “education.” In fact, a book burning was organized on the quad and almost 200 students showed up. “We were all set to do it, we really were, but then I realized that the only books I own are my text books and they cost like 500 dollars all together. So we decided to have a syllabus-burning, but then I remembered that some of my teachers didn’t put theirs online. So we just went to Chucks and bitched a whole bunch.” Rebecca Sanders, an SU sophomore confessed.
As recently as this morning, “BEAT EDUCATION” and “LEARNING SUCKS” T-shirts have been spotted around campus. You know what they say, folks: If you can’t beat ‘em, find a scapegoat and then blame everything on them.