Student housing sucks, plain and simple. The one good thing about student housing is getting out of it and living with your buddies. Or, you know, that random family who doesn’t check their basement or attic enough to notice you living there…

The only way to get a decent place to live, whether through the housing lottery or through off-campus real-estate (is it ever really off-campus?), is by grouping up with your friends. This causes a predicament for some who are, let’s say, “friendship challenged.”

Jamie Thumo, a sophomore art student, has found this situation to be a bit more challenging than he expected. “I’ve been putting up flyers for weeks, and still don’t have anybody to rent out a house with,” Thumo said, fighting back tears. “I don’t understand why none of my friends want to live with me!”

When confronted about naming a few friends, Thumo said he didn’t want to embarrass anyone. However, a little investigatory journalism would prove his embarrassment all the more likely. We couldn’t find one person who claimed to be friends with the aforementioned Thumo, only acquaintances, some of whom were Facebook friends, but only so that they could laugh at him and/or feel better about themselves.

“Jamie? Yeah, I know that kid,” said a student who wished to remain anonymous for his own sake. “Quite frankly, I’m not surprised that he can’t find anyone to live with. I don’t even like sharing an elevator with that mouth-breathing weirdo, let alone an apartment.”

Thumo, who will be a junior at the end of the semester, said that if he cannot find 5 more people to live with in a six-person apartment off-campus, he hopes to live in a quad dorm room with 3 other people. Thumo has spent the last several months posting about his openings on his Facebook page, and is currently accepting any and all friend requests from anyone who plans to live anywhere next semester.

“The kid might as well be an RA,” the anonymous student said. “at least then, you have some unsuspecting kids who wanna be your friend for a couple of hours, which is more than this guy could ever hope for.”