Living on South Campus isn’t all roses and violets. The outside looks like a bomb shelter (because, you know, so many terrorists target Syracuse, NY) and the inside is a combination of an insane asylum and a dentist’s waiting room. Needless to say, you can’t change the outside, even if you do go to the Chancellor with a kick-ass blueprint of an apartment that looks like a spaceship on the outside. If only you’d put in the time to make an actual spaceship you could live in, maybe she would’ve gone for it.

The inside, though, needs to be Queer-Eyed. And it’s your job. Unless you absolutely adore Blinding White (find the swatch at Home Depot, but bring sunglasses) and love waking up because the sun seems to actually be IN your room, you’re going to need to redecorate.

For starters, you need posters. For guys, there are a few staples: an SU basketball poster, a poster of girls half-naked and eating ice cream sundaes (or some other equally sexual activity), and then a few posters of kick-ass or hilarious movies, including but not limited to: The Hangover, The Godfather, Reservoir Dogs, and various others. For girls, you’ll probably have a few classier things, maybe some framed pictures of your besties, but you’ll also inevitably have posters of hot guys (Brian and Alex ARE available to pose upon request, but it’ll cost you) and your favorite movie posters, which are usually of much higher quality than your male counterparts (though not always; no matter what you say, Sex and the City is not poster-worthy.) (Kevin disagrees with me on posters, as you can see here and here).

For the living room, and possibly your own room, you’re going to want to bring your own lamps, unless you like light so bright that you can see into the future. Get something classy but also sturdy, since your apartment will inevitably undergo some wear and tear throughout the year, and lamps are always the first to go. You may also want to go the alternate route and purchase some Christmas lights to hang from the ceiling. (If you have a two-person apartment, you can also wrap these around the stairs.) This will solve the light problem AND add a little something extra to your décor.

Finally, bring some weird stuff, just for fun. It can get pretty dull in Syracuse (in case you didn’t notice) and you’re going to need stuff in your apartment that you can look at in mid-February and say, “Oh yeah, there are colors other than gray!” Just find some weird brightly colored shit at home and decorate your apartment with it. You won’t be sorry. Of course, if it’s really weird stuff, your roommates will be sorry, but maybe they should’ve thought about that BEFORE they moved in with a Hello Kitty fanatic.