I’d like to state that I am not an alcoholic. But I do like a good drink. What I don’t like is going down to DJs/Chucks/Lucys/Flip Night and waiting for seemingly decades to get to the bar only to find out their drink selection is based on lackluster liquor and even shittier beer. Why bother? (Especially if you need to pay cover.) Hence my love of drinking on my futon with or without company.

1) Improve your drink of choice

I know this is common sense but having just gone out this weekend to what is now in my opinion, the weakest of the Marshall St bars, getting more say in what ya drink is the creme de la creme of decisions on a college campus. Paying to drink anything with Lite in its name is as heretical and tyrannous as the idea of Syracuse onlynow throwing snow our way, in March. When delicious beers are available at Wegmans and even Tops, why drinketh of the cheap brews?

2) You can wear whatever you want

Don’t get me wrong – college kids look all fine and dandy when they try – but why try? Why don the 6in stilettos when I can be drinkin outta cups in my sweat pants?

3) You don’t have to put up with shit

If no one around you is wearing heels, no one can trample your feet. No 50-person-wide-throng of a sorority clan can knock their drinks all over you in attempts to “LIKE OMG, TAKE A PICTURE OF ALL OF US! Like, I so love us.” No one can bury your coat on your claimed table with their and their friends’ 40584803 other coats – it was your table god dammit, get your own. You simply don’t have to hear the phrase “Oh my god” at all. Or see the fact that our generation is being wasted on Iphones and digital cameras. You don’t have to listen to the drivel of underage people attempting to get in. You don’t have to wait 20 minutes between each drink because that’s how long it takes you to get the bartender’s attention (but if you’re stuck, having trouble doing so, I recommend this: http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/maincampus/articles/86/how-to-get-a-drink-at-chucks ; ). You even get to smell like something other than beer.