With the semester winding down and zero Ramapo Basement writers returning in the fall, the site is in need of a new head writer. If interested, please email your information to Strasser.firstname.lastname@example.org. Requirements for the new head writer of Ramapo Basement include, but are not limited to all of the following:
Equal Opportunity Bigotry:
We here at Ramapo Basement place a special emphasis on sharing our discriminatory behavior among many communities. The equal rights movement has passed and its time for our people to stop living under the oppression of unbalanced racism. No longer are the days when women receive only 70% of the harassment that men do. People from all different walks of life, hear me now! We must unite and join together in an effort to form a world of evenly distributed bigotry. Being racist against one race is just racist.
Whether you are a male (dominant breed) writer or a female master of the pen (keyboard), exhibiting sexist qualities is essential for grabbing the reigns of Ramapo Basement. It is imperative that the next leader of the troops does everything in his (preferable) or her (ugh… I guess) power (Lawlz @ “her” and “power” being in the same sentence) to establish and maintain a mindset in each RB writer full of sheer hatred toward the opposite sex.
A wardrobe mainly consisting of condiment-stained sweatpants isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, but it does go a long way in your potential employment at Ramapo Basement. In order to garner serious consideration for this position, all applicants must provide documented evidence of at least 4 Wednesday afternoons being spent on the couch in the same position for a period of no less than 6 straight hours. A written report detailing your drug purchasing behavior will also better your chances. All bibliographic citations must be done in MLA format. We’re a stickler for details over hurr.
An Open Mind to Skimming Profits Off the Top
The extremely lucrative prospect of running the show at Ramapo Basement will tempt even the most unadulterated hearts. We aim to find a replacement writer who will possess the ability to ward off any thoughts of embezzling all ze monies. But, at the same time, we do feel that the desire to skim off the top is essential for the next person in charge. It’s kinda like those movies with dirty cops- if one of them refuses to take a piece of the illegally acquired money, he immediately gets shot because no one trusts him to keep his mouth shut. Very similar situation here at RB- we’re all in this together, Training Day style. If you aren’t willing to take your share, then you’re out. We’ll have you writing for a satire website in Pelican Bay when we’re finished with you!
In all seriousness though, we are looking for a new head writer for the fall. Please contact email@example.com if you’re interested.